User:Somebetterusername/Abolitionism

Trust me, if you were there, you'd know how awkward this photo shoot was.

Abolitionism, also known as the abolitionist movement, is the movement to end slavery and liberate enslaved individuals around the world. This movement has been generally well-received by all people (except for a select few but they don't REALLY matter) and has definitely gotten a much better rap than feminism, gay pride, or just basic human rights these days.

The first country to fully outlaw slavery was France in 1315, with a brief stint of it put back in law for the building of the Eiffel Tower. Japan had it abolished in 1590, but it also had a brief stint of it put back into law, this time for World War II. The first and only country to self-liberate from slavery was Haiti, as a result of a 18th century revolution that isn't the one that you're thinking of right now. The British were next and took a long time, but with the help of some binoculars, empathy, and maybe the only good thing Christians did, they abolished slavery in 1833. For the big guns, U.S.A. itself, Vermont did probably the most important thing they ever did in their miserable life as a state and was the first to outlaw slavery in 1777. The northern states by 1804 were basically all left-leaning non-slave, and the south wasn't really ok with it, with probably two extra k's (2nd KKK joke and we're not even out of the preface), you know how the story goes, so I'll digress.

After centuries of struggle, slavery was eventually declared illegal (unless you're building some cool af stadium) at the global level in 1948 under the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights. By this time, the Arab world was the only region in the world where chattel slavery was still legal. Funnily enough, the minorities were the only people left who were still owning other, more lesser minorities. Today, child and adult slavery is banned in almost all countries, except for probably some African countries, so probably take a Mounds bar instead of Hershey's because I don't think Mounds owns a slave plantation in West Africa. Human trafficking still exists though, same with sex slavery. Oof. Not a good look, world.

History of abolitionism

Well, this actually has a lot to do, and this may be shocking, with the history of slavery. Actually, you might say, and this is pretty divided amongst most groups, that slavery caused abolitionism. See, black people wanting to be free, after you know, people doing some pretty messed-up stuff to them, makes perfect sense, I think. See, the first abolition group that had bubbled out of the primordial ooze was the "Krushing Khains Koalition" also known as the KRKHKO. (got you didn't I). This abolition group, much like everything at the time, had a lukewarm reaction and was sent to torture machines in droves because who really cared? As France's voices in their head (also known as the poor Black population) got louder, they finally became the first country to secede from the Uni- oh sorry we're not there yet *ahem* abolish slavery. Other countries had their voices in their respective heads grow louder and louder until they also went through and got earplugs and some paper to sign.

So uh, what about dem 'Muricans?

Yeah, this one is a long one, but never fear, because Uncyclopedia's second best thing it can do is condense pretty long stuff into easy, concise sentences. Here, let me sum it up for you in some easy words.

South doesn't like how slavery is getting unpopular.

South secedes.

North doesn't like how South leaves.

Fight.

North wins.

South comes back.

See? Plays out like a perfect telenovela.