User:So So/UnNews:Mark Spitz signed by the Tokyo Swallows
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
19 August 2008
Penisveinia, USA – After hearing news of newfangled swimming sensation Michael Phelps beating his Olympic record for gold medals, old-school medal-getter Mark Spitz knew it was time to suck some dicks. “The more the better” said a grinning Spitz. “And if possible, I would like the dicks to be the massive dicks of big black men.”
Spitz began his dick-sucking quest in his backyard, where men came far and wide for a dick sucking. “I liked the penises” said a grinning Spitz. Spitz voraciously attacked the long, firm penises, and took no prisoners. “It was like I was surrounded by penises, and I liked it” said Spitz.
It was not long before scouts from professional Japanese baseball team, the Tokyo Swallows came to recognize Spitz’s ability to handle long tubular objects that resemble baseball bats, and immediately signed him for a 6-year 1 million dollar contract to play in Japan. “I can’t wait to suck Japanese penises” said a grinning Spitz.
How many penises Mark Spitz will suck, the world can only guess. However, this reporter guesses it will be quite a lot.