User:Simsilikesims/Gondola of Death
“The Gondola of Death is really, really fun! Fortunately, I brought lots of pasta. But unfortunately, I am stuck here. Can anybody translate this? Well, anyway, HELP!!!”
The Gondola of Death is a gondola that takes you high up into the air. Then, the bottom of the gondola drops away and it drops you into a cannon that fires you onto Mars. Many people have gone to Mars by this route, but all have died from lack of pasta. This is why it is called the 'gondola of death'. It is also known as the 'gondola of doom' and the 'toothpick'. Some people bring dictionaries to Mars and are secretly teaching Martians to talk human. It is common knowledge that Martians will attack in June of the year 1472. Martians have also learned to make fire and mysterious lights are often seen on Mars.
Remember; if you go on the Gondola of Death, bring lots of pasta and pasta recipe books!
Types of Pasta to Bring[edit | edit source]
The best thing to bring is called Toppalachanoamonelkuliluvuplop (otherwise known as Toppalachanoamonelkuliluvuplopa). It is rarely seen in stores due to the fact that some people don't want people going to Mars. The second best thing is spaghetti. However, the spaghetti will only have effect if it is eaten smothered with sour cream. The next best thing is all-wheat pasta of any kind. But you must eat it with a partner and be reading a book about how to sew. Any other type of pasta must be thrown into a volcano before consumption.
How to Repel evil Martians[edit | edit source]
Usually, a large piece of plastic will do. Martians are deathly afraid of the plastic for one of the components of plastic make them turn into wine if touched. Martians of the tribes 'Benedini', 'popsikelstikia', and 'Roaro' are quite unhappy with human beings in the way they write. They have sworn to start a war in 1472 (learn more about it in next article). Another way to repel them is to show them a picture of a cat with wings.
War with Martians[edit | edit source]
A war is coming in 1472 with the Martians! I strongly suggest you pack all your things and move to Mars, for Martians will not attack humans on their own planet. Also bring lots of plastic, pasta, and pictures of winged cats.
Civilizations on Mars[edit | edit source]
There are many civilizations on Mars. One is called Catopia where everyone has to have exactly three cats, none with wings. If one of the cats has kittens, then you must move to Winetopia, where everyone drinks fifteen bottles of wine a day. This way, you train yourself not to get the flu. It really works. I did it myself. Another civilization on Mars is called Blarg. Everyone there talks Rudish. There are numerous other villages, but I will not say them all.
Cheerleading[edit | edit source]
Cheerleaders beware. If you enter the gondola of death, then you will immediately get drunk and die. Remember, GET DRUNK BEFORE GOING ON THE GONDOLA OF DEATH. Then you will be spared of getting drunk on the gondola and die immediately.