User:Shedtroll/leith

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NAW WE WERENAE!

“That's Plenty”

~ A young Leither on Almost everything

“Tis comparable to the deepest dankest niches of hell”

~ Oscar Wilde on Leith

“Shut it, ya Poof”

~ A leither on Oscar Wilde

Leith is apparently a part of Edinburgh (even though if you say that to a leither you will get stabbed).

A typical Leither, approach with extreme caution

History

Founded in 1773BC by the Romans, the romans built a Port and relied it was a big mistake where the Chavanatti clan of Pictish started attacking them.

after the Romans left the Chavanatti settled in their stead, being as violent as they are, they soon developed a fierce and illogical hatred of the Nidranus Clan.

Leith remained an independent state until 1899 where they were swallowed up by the British Empire.

Language

The main languages spoken in the Leith area are Ned and Chav. These two languages are said to be somewhat interchangeable, so that those who speak either may have a slight understanding of the other, though this is subject to some debate. If you find yourself to be located in Leith and do not speak either of these langauges fluently, it is reccomended to get yourself an interpreter immediately, as the Local speakers are known to be very unpredictable and the slightest attempt to communicate could be taken as a statement about their Mother, and violent murder of you would ensue.

If circumstances dictate that the finding of a translator is impossible. Here is a short guide you may use to try and get along:

Greetings

• With no exceptions, all greetings should begin with one of the following, depending on context,
  • Awrite (followed by a brief nod, if both parties are male) - This should be used as a casual aknowledgement. Eye contact should be kept to a minimum. The reasons for which will be explored later.
  • Here Mate/Pal - This should be used as a greeting when you intend to ask for something from the subject. Also, against all Chav etiquette rules. After the utilisation of this phrase, eye contact may be made for several seconds at a time for the duration of that conversation.

Things to say after the greeting

• • Ken whaur the... - Do you know where the...
    • Bus Stope is - Bus stop is
    • Chippeh is - Chip shop is
    • Bookehs is - Betting Shop is
    • Way oot ae here is - the way out of here is

How to tell you are in Leith

• Nobody has been out with 2 miles of where you're standing.
• Everyone hates Niddrie.
• There's a greggs on every street Corner
• Everyone talks to you as if you killed their Mother.
• Most of the young women you encounter are indecently exposed. (Those who are not, may not be natives and safe to approach. HOWEVER great precaution should be taken, as approach of a Leither woman may result in her partner beating you to a pulp, as is customary)

What to do if you are in Leith

Get out of Leith...Not as simple as it sounds.

Firstly, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT! if you do you WILL die!

Secondly, Do not use the Queen's English as this will cause great anger to stir within all those within earshot.

What you have to do is find Leith walk, problem is if you ask for directions, you run the risk of being stabbed. Just find the long street and walk up there till you reach the Ommi, once there you will get cared for and any injuries healed in the Refugee center.

If you cannot get out of Leith (the most likely of the two scenarios), they feel free to explore the sights of Leith.

The Ocean Terminal

Built in 1999, when it was first opened, the people of Leith thought it was a demon and tried to get rid of it by praying to the sun, Sacrificing rabbits and attacking it with sticks, but they soon realized it was shopping mall and looted it.

In 2003 the Ocean terminal was reopened and the indigenous people taught the concept of trade. The ocean terminal still accepts meat and furs as an alternative to money.

The (Ex)Royal Ship Britannia

Originally meant for Belfast,this former Royal yacht was hijacked mid ocean and brought to Leith docks. You can now tour it at your pleasure and go on a guided tour in either English, Gaelic or Nedlish.

Leith Waterworld

Fun for all the Family!

• Contract diseases from the jacuzzi.
• Cut your toe on the many sharp objects that are on the pool floor.
• Split your head open on the fast water rapids
• Drown in the slide when one of the fat kids gets stuck.
• Get crushed by the falling debris when one of the catacombs from the former Leith station collapses in upon itself.