User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2013/Acmed2
Pee reviews for: Acmed2
Article: Al Pacino
Pee Review from Shabidoo
| Creativity: | 10/10 |
I give you full marks for creativity. Lots of good ideas packed into a small space in such a short amount of time. I like the concept of mixing his film career with a fictional heavy metal band. It was a good idea...and with some extra thought put into it...I think its a concept that can go somewhere. The creativity goes from Murdered polar bears to some kind of space project thing. No one can ever accuse you of being dry and boring. At this point, after having come up with a kiloton of great ideas in such a short period of time, I'd recommend that you now do the challenging and somewhat painful part of cutting down on those ideas. Focussing on a few of them and weaving them tighter into the over all structure/concept/story-line of your article. By doing this...you can build on one or two of those ideas and stretch them into funnier and funnier jokes...playing on the absurdity of each situation. For example...the baseball story. It doesnt have to end with him bribing his way onto the team with his accent. He can slowly take over the stadium and use it as a home base to smuggle in eastern european mail order wives, and then later as a pizza factory once he buys out or takes all the pizzarias in the Bronx, and then later rents out the studio to a production company that ends up using him as a last minute replacement actor which eventually launches his career. In any case, you get what I mean? You can take a few of your many great ideas and then string them together in one setting growing increasingly absurd without driving too far off topic (relatively speaking that is). |
| Originality: | 4/10 |
Note that you scored much better in humour and creativity but in terms of originality I don't seem much of it. Yes...there are lots of ideas...but the article itself is like most others...an absurd story about an absurd guy...but without trying to stretch the limits of a typical uncyclopedia article, really unique uses of images or text or links...nothing that sets this article apart from most. Its difficult to do in only 36 hours. But as I say below...tons of creativity and a few nice moments of humour. |
| Humour: | 7/10 |
Moments that I thought were rather funny include Pacino and his aspiring Baseball career and how he used his mafia accent to get on the baseball team. Though not perfectly executed, I think this is a nice example of complex humour where you mix two or more ideas which are referenced elsewhere in the article to an absurd level which gets a laugh. If you were to apply this technique to the whole of the article, I think it would be not just helarious but awesome. The idea that he ran away from home...but mere miles away was also pretty funny. You could milk that for every laugh one could get out of it. Consider having him drift closer and closer to home while still considered missing or appearing on milk cartons for missing children. I also laughed at the "small hands" joke and the "despite not having released a single song". Very nice raw humour. The best joke was the "touring Korea just to be fed" which I assume is a play on the total lack of food in most of North Korea. Great multi-dimentional humour! |
| Final Score: | 21/30 |
First of all...21 is a very good score for a 36 hour writing competition. Once again...as Ive said...tons of creative ideas and some funny moments. You have the framework set for a really good article. I simply suggest you go over the article with an editing eye and pick out the best ideas and the strongest ones...the ideas that can be extended...drawn out into full paragraphs with increasing absurdity and humour...and painfuly cut away the not so extendable or funny ideas and use them for another article. Let me know if you need me to better explain this critique or if you'd like further suggestions or ideas. Thanks for participating this year as well Acmed! |
Pee Review from ¡¡¡Y¡¡¡
| Creativity: | 6/10 |
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| Originality: | 8/10 | |
| Humour: | 7/10 |
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| Final Score: | 21/30 |
Nice, make sure the pictures are good quality. Overall awesome. |
Pee Review from Multiliteralist
| Creativity: | 6/10 |
Longish article considering the difficulties. There must be some creativity involved. |
| Originality: | 5/10 |
I've seen quite a few articles like this where meatspace life facts are mangled for humorous effect. Not my thing. I gave the 4 because I couldn't have come up with a better way of doing the article myself. I would not have written it at all. Maybe I should give more based on that? OK, I'll give 5. |
| Humour: | 4/10 |
Same thing as above. |
| Final Score: | 15/30 |
Keep writing. |
| Score | Comment |
|---|---|
| 9/10 | I liked the jumble up of references infact. Got more into the article as it went along. Maybe not crazy original, but very enjoyable for sure. |