User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2011/username

Happy Monkey Competition Winter 2011

Pee reviews for: Aleister

Article: Viking Metal

Pee Review from Shabidoo

Humo(u)r:	8/10	You cant say this isnt dripping with instant good humour. Ill give a play by play. You open the article right away with a gag about Oslo being the fasion capital of the world which made me laugh. Thats my kind of article, aroma of battle also very good, a slightly invented word. The next paragraphs of the intro are mostly the same mixing your knowledge of norse history with the superficial items of a fashion show in a very funny way. The following section is more or less the same but the intensity of the humour dying hown, as with the following section filled more with details than jokes. The suddenly racoon grabben my attetion once again, nice job incorporating it into the article rather than having racoons just suddenly turn up for no reason. College geek section made me laugh out loud. In the childrens section, again you start with a bang with funny (donut part made me LOL) then the paragraphs are gag like, filled with details that at times drag on a bit and then funny at the very end. I suppose it is a fight between all out humour and cleverness. Having said that in 24 hours you did do a really good job. You lose me a little bit in the last couple sections as it is more clevel than funny but you end with article (as your sectinos) in funny way (which is meta writing as you are describing the show ending with a bang). I give you 8 because its the first im reviewing and you made me laugh out loud with the super strong opening.
Creativity:	9.5/10	Aleister, you are an incredibly creative writer. The original topic was Viking Metal (the bad) though I eliminated most of these details with the topics. I would have loved to have seen where you would have gone with that, but turning this into a fashion show alone is very creative and funny. You took the article all over the place and for sure every paragraph something bizzare or interesting is thrown in our faces. I especially loved the mix of viking gruff with fasion ponsiness all in the same introductino sentence after sentence. Extra extra extra creative.
Images:	5.5/10	I give you a five point five because for me atleast, the first picture is perfect, it immediatly says fashion, spectacle, screaming colours and fits in the intro. The following pictures are okay, but with the exception of servie´s picture, none of them fit in with the article in terms of a fashion show but are just pictures of helmets and stuff. If you chopped the photo with the kid Ill add .5 points, let me know in the comming hours.
Prose, Formatting, Links:	3.5/5	You always write very well. Im not sure what you were doing with the strange spellings as sometimes they were clearly meant to be viking like and other times it seems like just a spelling mystake. Thy is the posessive adjective for early modern english. Thou is the subject pronoun. A few more links would have been nice. But yes, your formating is very good and separation between subjects and what not etc etc etc.
Concept or whatever you want to put here:	4/5	Very good concept, and you mostly pulled it off. There was a clear story, a viking fashion show from the primier night to the finale with someone interviewing various designers and famous people. Its great how you covered it just as one would a normal fashion show.
Final Score:	30.5/40	I like the article. I especially like the introduction, along with its photo and its super funny humour. The middle sectino wains as you fight between cleverness and humour (and the photos in my opinion should be fashion related) but you end again in the same spirit as your introduction. It may also be a case of quantity vs quality in the centre of the article. For 24 hour job, I am VERY impressed and glad the first article I reviewed was done so well. Spelling and grammar here in my review will be corrected later as I have a lot to do.
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Pee Review from: Wilytank

Humo(u)r:	8/10	You pretty much pull out all the Viking cliches out of the book. But what did I expect? India?
Creativity:	7/10	A fashin show for how to deck yourself out before going into battle. Solid.
Images:	8/10	Images are good, but I really wish there were more captions. You have most of them as thumbs.
Prose, Formatting, Links:	4.5/5	Lawl, linking axe to the kitchen implements category.
Concept or whatever you want to put here:	3/5	Viking metal is a genre of music, and I was kinda hoping it would be about that. This is creative, but I'm a little dissapointed.
Final Score:	30.5/40	You better go listen to some Moonsorrow if you ever want any hope of crossing Bifrost.
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