User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2011/MrTheJazz
Happy Monkey Competition Winter 2011
Pee reviews for: Mrthejazz
Article: GIANT NOVELTY FOAM HANDS!!!
Pee Review from Shabidoo
| Humo(u)r: | 9.5/10 |
This is a truly helarious article. Incorporating the parody of quick TV sales banter with the dirty story of a down on luck man is briliant. The play with high prices was very good, its really difficult to make big numbers funny but you did. The article starts of with great humour and high energy and slips down to just plain old funny, which is still amazing to do in 24 hours. The seven years ago section was a little duller than the others. There were lots of lol moments including the following: Starts off with a gut laugh growing in intensity (slash wrists maybe turns a little too macabre for a high energy screaming ad). Second LOL moment "good for the enviroment". Third "for the love of god buy them now". Big lol moment "murder my son". Now that the macabre line was already breached, its very funny. |
| Creativity: | 8.5/10 |
You incorporated lots of different elements in the article in a funny way, as mentioned above, hard selling tactics, anything to get a sale, family problems, support hotline etc. All dont quite well. Dripping with creativity. |
| Images: | 7.5/10 |
Good choice of images (minus the one with the two people) and well placed. Did you chop the you're fird? Let me know if you did in the next hours. |
| Prose, Formatting, Links: | 4/5 |
Good formatting. Well divided and follows the story. There are a couple spelling mystakes that jump out and very few links. But well written. |
| Concept or whatever you want to put here: | 3.5/5 |
The concept is clear although there are moments where it diverges a little. I think you could have done without the "seven years later" section, its the least funniest and doesn't add so much to the story. There is a story line from beginning to end and you feel as though the narrative has a real beginning, middle and conclusion. |
| Final Score: | 32.5/40 |
Over all I am SUPER impressed in what you could do in 24 hours given the subject. It would have been too easy to make a plain old article parody of wikipedia. I love the concept, the final picture and the absolute helariou LOL moments. |
| Comments: | ||
Pee Review from: Wilytank
| Humo(u)r: | 10/10 |
Oh wow. It's like a less hyperactive Billy Mays commercial. Truly hilarious elements everywhere. Intro started well and ending was well. Body consisted of tons of stuff that made me do more than just grin. |
| Creativity: | 8/10 |
It's like a less hyperactive Billy Mays commercial. So I see the inspiration, but I can't give you total points for originality. |
| Images: | 7.5/10 |
Same opinion as Shabidoo. The two people image is kinda out of place. |
| Prose, Formatting, Links: | 4/5 |
There is only one link, but it's all that's really needed. ORDER NOW being directed to the talk page. Prose and shit is good too. |
| Concept or whatever you want to put here: | 4/5 |
Was the proposed article for the competition originally in all caps? If so, wow. |
| Final Score: | 33.5/40 |
Once the competition is over, I might just nom this for VFH. |
| Comments: | ||
