User:PopGoesTheWeasel/Dick Turpin

Richard "Dick" Turpins was an elusive highway robber, or poacher if you like.

Dick Turpin holding his pistol. He tends to become nervous when faced with rabbits, as shown here by his facial expression.

His original name stands to be Richard Penis Turpins, but due to a drastic change in numerous words of our vocabulary ever since our mordern society evolved, Dick has replaced our classical beautiful organ. Thus, his name will remain as Dick Turpin.

As a robber, he has recieved critical acclaim by both critics and people alike, being praised for his "quick thinking", stealth and his ability to steal from people right under their noses - his height was barely 75 centermetres. Critic Bob Smiles described Dick Turpin as :

a man who managed to steal with such elusivness, I could not help clapping my hands and giggling as he murdered two clumsy old ladies right before my eyes. Dick is truly a man to be feared.

The positive reception which met him was spread internationally, and he eventually collaborated with several other masterful thieves, such as George W. Bush, Chief Bobby Bobabob and Vasco da Gama. His involvement in crime eventually became asscociated with the media and he started gaining attention from police who were too corrupt too engaged in their own problems to have noticed him earlier. Their chase after him led to people turning it into a cult following, and Dick recieved his wonderful service as promised by the police.

Until today, his signature pose and his outstanding murders and robberies still cease to die, and he is still recognised by us as one of the most particular people ever to overclaim America's fucking budget.

Early Life

Dick Turpin was born in Hempstead, where the wild onions grow. He was the fifth of six children and was looked up by others as a genius prodigy in terms of both work and spooning. He adored faking heart attacks, and would foam at the mouth and shake uncontrollably to the point where his siblings had heart attacks themselves.

Due to his heavily obsese problems, he suffered abuse, with his parents calling him overweight boobish heavy full - weighted young victim, another term in short for fat ass. Suffering from depression problems as a child, his only companion was a teddy bear and a pistol found in his Father's scented cupboard. Both