Justin Beeber
Justin Philip Beeber is a Maryland native who works as a bartender. He is well known for making a good martini and for always winning card games against his friends. Beeber played a little bass guitar in college, and may have written a shitty song or two, but the damage was minimal, as only half a dozen people ever heard them.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Justin was born in 1975 to Matthew and Jessica Beeber in Baltimore, Maryland. He had an older sister named Shannon. Justin and his family moved to Frederick when he was 4, as he attended school at Frederick Elementary. He met a boy named Tommy in kindergarten and they became best friends. Later, he met a girl named Luna in the third grade. The two became enemies, until the middle of the fifth grade, when Luna moved to Kentucky. He never speaks of her any more.
Professional life[edit | edit source]
At the age of 20, Justin graduated from the University of Maryland, where he met his future wife Samantha. Justin was studying to be a pilot, but eventually became a bartender.
Justin still has the first dollar bill he received as a tip, in a picture frame on the wall behind the bar. He regales patrons with entertaining stories about the dollar.
The lamp thief[edit | edit source]
Less than a week after Beeber became a bartender, he spotted a robber stealing from a lamp store called "Just Lamps," which closed only weeks later. Beeber soon called the police, and the robber was arrested. Beeber was mentioned by name on the local news broadcast in Baltimore that evening. That event is arguably still Beeber's biggest accomplishment.
The airport incident[edit | edit source]
In the summer of 2009, Beeber was at an airport, getting ready to board a JetBlue Airways plane to visit his parents in Delaware, when he was paged over the loudspeakers. Suddenly, dozens of little girls screamed in excitement and ran across the airport searching for Beeber. One girl asked Beeber if he has seen him. Beeber replied, "That's me, sweetie," and patted her on the head. The little brat then said, "No! Justin Bieber is, like, the world's cutest star! He rules, man!" Beeber was not familiar with Bieber because Beeber's only child is male.
That night, Beeber looked up one of Bieber's songs on YouTube, murmured "Dear God!" and quickly turned off the computer.
Personal life[edit | edit source]
Justin and Samantha gave birth to a son in 1999 named Robert James Beeber. Robert is a big Pokémon fan, and attends Frederick Elementary as his father did, and is friends with Tommy's son. Throughout his life, Beeber has had a total of 8 cats, 2 dogs, and 3 mice. Currently, the Beeber family owns one cat, who is really fat and imaginatively named Garfield. Throughout his life, Garfield has had a total of 14 mice. Beeber's favorite television show is The Simpsons, which he watches every Sunday night with his family and Garfield on his lap.