User:Onion

This is my user page. So there.

You are in the domain of the Onion. Usually, he doesn't refer to himself in the 3rd person.

About Me

I'm 18 and I live in Ohio. I just recently got an account here even though I've been an avid Uncyclopedia for almost a year. My specialties are dry wit, anger, and sarcasm. That's all you get because I'm not looking for stalkers, unless you're an attractive woman, which you aren't. Why? Because the only people on the internet are fat, balding, middle-aged men who still live with their parents, and of course the FBI.

Why Onion?

I really hope I make a few people cry.

So...

I would like to dedicate my free time of not being in college, not playing Halo, not looking at pr0n, and not wondering why I have absolutely no life whatsoever, to making Uncyclopedia a place where people can go out at night and feel safe from feces, crap, and shit. A place where no one needs to fear Chuck Norris facts, lame Russian Reversals, boring lists, grues, or sex acts involving Wookies! A place where Albert Einstein wasn't a species of spider monkey that existed between 213766537463214387 B.C. and 2 A.D. being famous for inventing gravy! I want my children to grow up in an Uncyclopedia where *Sound of a heavy metal object against the back of a person's skull*

With the blessings of the Admins and Sysops, I'd like to be the Holy Avenger.

This user is from Camelot, and eats ham and jam and spamalot!

This user is American …and unabashedly proud of it! (List of American Uncyclopedians)

This user uses Windows because they can't get enough of your lover.

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.