User:Nikau/Nut (fruit)

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Despite his hard exterior, Indiana Jones is not nuts. Very perceptive, Short Round.

nut (fruit) is, as the name illustrates, a fruit surrounded by a hard shell; in this case represented by brackets, although in reality the shell can be anything that requires a piece of military grade equipment to open and is guaranteed to take all or some of your digits in the process. Basically, nuts are the fruit of plants who haven't quite resorted to poison to stop animals eating them, and only because of what they inmates would do to a fruit in the prison showers.

Many million years ago animals figured that nuts are delicious to consume while lounging around watching the finer examples of their species actually achieve something, so said animals began compulsively collecting nuts for consumption. The nuts weren't too pleased by the infatuation and evolved unique ways of fighting off the attention; the rapeseed whistle and the pepper-spray corn were unsuccessful, and the plant's brief attempt at a social media campaign was torpedoed by the literal nature of their "hash tags". The only workable solution was an exoskeleton harder than RoboCop's diamond edged dick when he looks at the underside of an aircon unit.

However, if there is one thing humans are good at, it's persisting with behaviour long after the target has expressed their lack of interest. The nutcracker remains the only human weapon devoted to breaching the defenses of a target that can't move, breathe or respond to stimuli, but the taste of a good trail bar or some chunky peanut butter outweighs the shame.

The name "nut" originates from when the time a caveman brought a nut back to the communal cave and claimed it was full of nutrient rich flesh that would taste great when salted and served with some fermented hops. The rest of the cavemen exclaimed;

That's nuts!

The first caveman then revealed he had broken the best club in the cave trying to open the shell, so the rest of the cavemen kindly allowed him to test the second best one with his face and proclaimed the only overly salted TV snack in this rock formation. Fortunately a mixture of cardiovascular disease and over ambitious attempts at jerky-fication