User:Metal guru/Vishnu
“No! I’m not an avatar of Vishnu”
“Vishnu could have been the greatest guitarist of all time since he has so many hands. I wish I was an incarnation of Vishnu”
“Well you know what brother... Tonight Hogan's gone over the limit! One thing you gotta learn Hogan, one thing you don't know, is that when you cross the Wilde Child you aren't gonna get much further. Cause come Sunday, in a solid 30 foot high steel cage.. WHATCHA GONNA DO? WATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE WILD MAN GOES WILD ON YOU!!!!”
“Vishnu is a @#*&^*#$% a #$)(%*&(*^@$*@, !@&*^%#@&*!@, !%&*#$@ and @!&#%$@*@##$*&@. That @#^*@&#^*^#$*& met me at 1974 California @*$&^*&$#^*&#$. I kicked (*$*^@#%!@!@* $(*&$(*#&$(&$(*&#$”
“I thought I was the only creature with four hands”
“Vishmoooooooooooooooo”
“Govinda Jaya Jaya!”
“mmmmmm .... he is the innocent, the last in line, killer of the demons, wizard from the rainbow, a fool fool, man on the silver mountain”
“Playmates are actually incarnations of my goddesses”
Avatars of Vishnu[edit | edit source]
A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
Vishnu and Hinduism[edit | edit source]
According to the Hinduism Vishnu is one of the only two gods who have genitals. Another is Shiva, enlisted in Guinness Book of world records for the largest penis in the world.
Vishnu created all other gods and replaced their penises with other limbs such hands, heads etc. He is famously identified for raping his aunt Radha during his Krishna Avatar And assassinating Sri Lanka’s President Ranasinghe Premadasa during his Rama Avatar.
In his early life Vishnu was highly influenced by Jimi Hendrix and actually from the cover of his axis album, Vishnu was inspired to shape his universal form. But later on, after watching Steve Vai's for the love of god video, he decided to quit music as he misunderstood Steve Vai. He thought Steve Vai was a gay and was asking for his love. But he decided to start music again when some hardcore fans like Kula shaker made a song about him. Though it was too late for restarting musical career, he teamed up with Elton john to form a gay band called "Frankie Goes to Hollywood". And they remade the song sacrifice because sacrificing cows for Vishnu were decreasing after Brizzete Bardot's animal rights campaign. Vishnu was about to put his curse on Brizzete Bardot but then some Indian politicians gave him advice that best way to spellbind a woman is to marry her. Vishnu was about to marry Bardot but goddess Radha took the incarnation of Kali and stopped Vishnu from marrying Bardot.
During World War II, Adolf Hitler and Vishnu came under an agreement to use Vishnu’s official logo "swastika". The agreement was actually between Hitler and Hindu gods for the invasion of the world since the world was mostly occupied with Christians and Muslims that time and Hindus were left only with one land, India.
In early 90's Vishnu came up with another contract with video games producer midway to play a character called Goro. But later on George W. Bush played the role as Vishnu refused to pose topless.
In 1974, Ozzy Osbourne got involved in a severe fight with Vishnu in California jam. Ozzy Said, "Vishnu, you m@%^#$%, you f%*&$ son of a c$&*, your blab#$#@ p$%$!@ s#$#.....” Vishnu couldn’t answer him since most of his words were censored with a beep and left California jam.
But Vishnu had a good friendship with another magician called Ronnie James Dio. Ronnie gave him his personal property called “land of sacred arts over the rainbow bridge” as a gift to Vishnu, where he lives in peace with his goddesses/playmates. But later he came back to earth because he was missing the 3rd season of "Baywatch". But once again he got involved in a fight with Tommy Lee while he was teasing Pamela Anderson lee, "Here goes my baby! She knows how to rock n roll she drives me crazy" Freddie Mercury was really disappointed with the improper use of his song and his spirit came back to earth to his friend Elton john. Elton was disappointed too thus the band "Frankie Goes to Hollywood" broke up.
His official life
In his corporate life he is affiliated with Brahma and Shiva. Three of them are called "Trimurti" or "Three Stooges" together. It is rumored that Oscar Wilde and Darth Vader sometimes appear in a cameo role to have a gangbang. But some Hindu gods became mutineers and complained that they can’t sleep at “Swargalok” (heaven) in peace since the party of Three stooges, Oscar Wilde and Darth Vader abuse the song “Relax, Don’t Do It” by Frankie Goes To Hollywood all night long. To prevent the mutineers, Vishnu wanted Bruce lee to be his henchman and special sidekick but Bruce lee kicked Vishnu with his superpower "haiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa owwwwwwwwwwwwww huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" kick which made Vishnu bound to take an incarnation of pig.
Vishnu took several attempts to defeat Bruce lee but finally he cheated and put a curse on Bruce lee so he went to coma and died later on. But Jet Li who is believed as another incarnation of Vishnu Himself, came forward to take revenge of his master’s death. Jet Li killed other incarnations of Vishnu to gather the power within him and defeat Vishnu and become the one. But later he got busy with his Hollywood career.
It was believed that Vishnu had an extra-marital relationship with x-men character Spiral that also has 6 hands. But Magneto took all the metal out of Vishnu’s body and left him with only a piece of cloth. But later on, Vishnu donated that cloth to Africa and posed nude in playboy magazine as the first god model to gather money for “USA for Africa”. It is believed that the song "We are the world" is co-produced by Vishnu.
Vedic book "Geeta" says, "Ching ving ming vong mong chamunda nama" which means "I'm as gay as a daffodil, my dear!" which was also quoted by Freddie mercury in 1973
Once, a magic competition was held between David Copperfield and Vishnu. David Copperfield was showing all of his technique but vishnu was laughing. At the end vishnu put down his pants and showed he has no penis instead a pussy. David Copperfield ran away for his life.
Another quote of Geeta says "vong mong dong long cock pussy vokchod" ... which means a god is whom who has everything inside him includes penis and pussy. But this quote created controversy as Indian hermaphrodite society declared themselves as gods.
Although he loves tequila, whiskey, champagne and other wines but he is mainly obsessed with soma and vang. Sometimes he can be seen in the Caribbean to buy superb quality ganja.