User:Matt lobster/All Lives Matter

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All Lives Matter (ALM) is a protest movement born in 2020 in response to the Black Lives Matter movement. IT contests the Black Lives Matter protests unintentionally excluded whites because of a simple clerical error, and that the only way to rectify the oversight is to continually politely reminder any BLM activist that "All Lives Matter".

Police Brutality[edit | edit source]

The ALM movement has repeatedly argued that people only find the death of black peoplw at the hands of police suspicious because they insist on asking questions and dismissing straight forward and inconsistant accounts of officers.

Statues[edit | edit source]

All Lives Matter activists are against the removal of status of slave owners,. The claim it is frequently overlooked that skin-colour of most slaves was driven by the fact that most of the African population were of black ethnicity. Leading ALM activist Frederick Beesting, who has seven black friends and acquaintances, and has edited the Africa Wikipedia page says that ALM members will not hesitate to replace any statue removed by BLM protesters with replacements created by his Saturday afternoon craft club.

Car Stops[edit | edit source]

BLM have cited statistics that show African Americans are 20% more likely to be subjected to a police traffic stop than their white counterparts, an assertion that has been described as "over-simplistic" by ALM supporter Senator Rand Paul.

"If you look at people who have been stopped for no discernible reason, then I concede there is a bias towards stopping the vehicles of Black People," the senator said in a 2019 CNN interview, "but if you look at other categories such as speeding and driving like a cunt, there is a much smaller gap."

Indirect action[edit | edit source]

ALM generally engages in direct action tactics that make people uncomfortable enough that they must address the issue, ALM activists have argued with people on Twitter, stood outside their houses with guns and told gay people that God loves them even though they are abhorrent.

ALM members generally rely on other members of their house-hold to wash their clothes.

ALM Views on BLM[edit | edit source]

ALM claim they believe up to 47% more people matter than the Black Lives Matter movement. They contest that by excluding the mattering of white people you leave out appropriate consideration of the actor Ben Stiller, singer Shakira and Gwyneth Paltro.

American Footballer Richard Sherman spoke-out of his support for the ALM movement in 2020: "When we see an incident of an injustice facing a person of colour, we will take action against it. We will also seek to rectify a similar injustice against a white person. Because these are harder to find, the BLM movement will omit the seconds step. ALM are uncomprimising and vocal in seeking such cases and bringing them to the attention of all whether they happen or not. "

All Lives Matter Theme Park[edit | edit source]

In 2016, the All Lives Matter organisation opened a theme park in Oklahoma. It contained themed zones entitled White, Black, Yellow and Miscellaneous.

The White Zone was themed around science, maths, sport and Jesus with 17 rides ranging from a roller-coaster that celebrated reason to a log-flume that charted the rise of 4G.

At time of writing, the three other zones are inaccessible by foot.