User:Marcuswilliams700/Morshu

"I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!" -Link on the quality of Morshu's product

"MMMMM" -Morshu's Favorite Quote

Morshu wants your rupees. NOW.

The infamous black market dealer of Hyrule, Morshu is renowned for his sales of "lamp oil" (which oddly enough is rarely used in lamps.. the less we say about this the better), rope (actually human intestines, but this fact isn't revealed until after purchase), and bombs (especially nuclear armaments; Morshu has known dealings with Osama Bin Laden). Morshu also serves as a hitman for King Harkinian, bombing the homes of anyone who refuses to scrub the floors or pay DINNER taxes.

Early Days

Little is known about Morshu's early childhood. The first recorded event in his life is when Eugene Krabs hired him as a fry cook, before subsequently firing him in favor of some obnoxious laughing sponge. This led Morshu to lead a bitter and angry life, quietly constructing bombs in his basement. However, before Morshu's plan to wipe out everyone who'd ever done him wrong came to fruition, he discovered the joy of rupees, which soon became an addiction. His friends tried to stage an intervention, but were unable to get past the bomb traps set up around his house, and before long Morshu had no friends. Abandoning his home and family, Morshu set out to Hyrule to sell his wares.

Upon reaching Hyrule, Morshu found himself in competition with the two local shopkeeps, Tom Nook and Crazy Redd (as well as some big chain store.. Wal..rus-Mart?). The rivalry didn't last long though, as Morshu's bombs let him exterminate his competitors with ease. Morshu also developed a taste for mass destruction from this, a hobby that followed him for the rest of his life.

Working for Harkinian

Exactly what circumstances led Morshu into his demonic pact with King Harkinian have never been fully explained, but what is known is it was Harkinian who found him (though in Soviet Russia they say it was the other way around). Harkinian's vast networks of spies traced the increasing number of store bombings back to Morshu, and the King immediately realized the man's usefulness. On the promise of free DINNER for life, the King drew Morshu into his vast network of evil and ordered him to act as a normal shopkeep, while at the same time building his stockpile of bombs for the eventual attack on the Sega Headquarters (as Harkinian determined after watching an episode of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog that Sega was too stupid to live). Morshu, who by now was a fanatical pyromaniac, eagerly agreed.

Years later there was a fallout between Harkinian and Morshu; a nuclear fallout, to be exact. After being threatened to have to scrub all the floors in Hyrule, Morshu launched his entire stockpile of nuclear warheads and devastated the country. It was in this post-apocalyptic landscape that the Redeads and other zombie monsters came into being (so you can blame him the next time a Redead humps your head). Rupees also became scarce, much to Morshu's dismay, and Ganon, who was safely trapped in the Sacred Realm during the Great Fallout, conquered the land immediately upon release. However, after reclaiming the Triforce, Ganon wished for a swimming pool and Hyrule was subsequently flooded.

Morshu the Shopkeeper

Morshu enacted a number of controversial policies in his store, the most well-known being his denial of credit to anyone who fell under under his racist/sexist biggotry. He denied Link on the grounds that he was a "fairy" (see Tingle), and Zelda for being female (what this means about Morshu has yet to be fully explored). However, he wasn't allowed to bomb either of them as Zelda was his employer's daughter and Link was a member of the King's "Boi's".

Harkinian also "encouraged" (again, how is something we don't know. It seems Morshu bombed his own life story.) Morshu to assist in his Free Dinner for All campaign, leading to the creation of McDonalds. Morshu's McDonalds was short-lived, though, as he sold bombs doused in lamp oil and painted to look like burgers, and a psychotic extradimensional clown had already created a toxic waste dump restaurant of the same name. So due to copyright laws, Morshudonalds was shut down.

The Mysterious MMMMM

Morshu's ambiguous statement "MMMMM" has long baffled scholars and youtubers alike. As a result, there have been a variety of theories regarding its true meaning. Many have postulated that it is an expression of desire or pleasure, often accompanying the sound with an image of Morshu raping small children (it would seem that many people are also sick perverts, but that's a subject for a different article).

Others believe that "MMMMM" is actually an acronym referrring to Morshu's secret Final Smash attack: Morshu's Mega Monstrous Murdering Mongoose. When unleashing this attack, Morshu steals all the rupees in sight and shapes them into a giant bomb-throwing mongoose, which proceeds to rampage around the screen, pummelling opponents and otherwise behave nothing like a mongoose (drawing the greatest criticism for this theory).

Did you know? Morshu wanted to be a singer once.

MMMMM may also be a vocal exercise Morshu picked up during his singing career (the extent of which being an American Idol tryout. It's believed that he was kicked after uttering the single syllable MMMMM, but this cannot be confirmed as the tapes burned when he bombed the tryout center in frustration).

Some also suggest that MMMMM is Morshu's attempt to say his own name, something he never learned to do.