User:Lordofcrisps/Paul Thurrott
“You're never going to squeeze a quote out of me to put on your page about this twat. Try Steve Ballmer instead.”
“A-HAHAHAHAHAHA! HA! HA! HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!”
“What?”
Paul "Paulie" Thurrott, despite often being mistaken for a human, is in fact a journalist who writes for Windows IT Pro and has published a wide compendium of books including BSOD Makes Sense! ; the children's classic The Rise And Rise Of GUI C++ and has commissioned select translations of the "complicated" and "horribly unwieldy" For Dummies series into terminology he can understand.
Career[edit | edit source]
Paul Thurrott started his digital career when he inadvertently invented 1337 at the age of twenty-nine. Disheartened by the overwhelming pressure the English language applied to his primitive brain, Paul – using play money – hired a nineteen-strong team of key stage one primary school pupils to condense the English language into a series of "bite-sized" words and phrases composed from numbers and letters. The first instance of 1337 in a commercial piece was written and performed by Paul himself. Entitled 14 84M64, it was an instant success in most Eastern-European countries:
- 14 84M64
- p4ra 64|14R 14 84M64
- p4ra 64|14R 14 84M64
- 53 n3C35174 UN4 P0C4 d3 gR4c|4
- UN4 P0C4 d3 gR4c|4 p4ra m| p4ra 7|
- Y 4Rr|64 y 4Rr|64
- y 4Rr|64 y 4Rr|64 p0R t| 53R3
- p0R t| 53R3
- p0R t| 53R3
- Y0 n0 50y m4Rin3R0
- Y0 n0 50y m4Rin3R0
- 50y KpTN
- 50y KpTN
- 50y KpTN
- 84M64 84M64
- 84M64 84M64
- 84M64 84M64
- p4ra 64|14R 14 84M64
- p4ra 64|14R 14 84M64
- 53 n3C35174 UN4 P0C4 d3 gR4c|4
- UN4 P0C4 d3 gR4c|4 p4ra m| p4ra 7|
- Y 4Rr|64 y 4Rr|64
- p4ra 64|14R 14 84M64
- p4ra 64|14R 14 84M64
- 53 n3C35174 UN4 P0C4 d3 gR4c|4
- UN4 P0C4 d3 gR4c|4 p4ra m| p4ra 7|
- Y 4Rr|64 y 4Rr|64
- y 4Rr|64 y 4Rr|64 p0R t| 53R3
- p0R t| 53R3
- p0R t| 53R3Bamba bamba
- 84M64 84M64
- 84M64 84M64
- 84M64 84M64
Of course, the fact that the entirety of the song was in 1337ified Spanish was purely coincidental. 14 84M64 was apparently devised completely from Paul's droolings into a microphone during one of his "episodes." Paul says this of the song: "14 84M64 is T3H R0xxRS! ROFL!!!!!!!!! t0taly pwned you H4XxRS, BIZNATCH"
A similar level of dexterity is evident in the articles he submits regularly to his flagship s[h]ite, WinWillRockYou.com. He has often elaborated on topics such as Firefox, GIMP and UNIX with terminolgoy like "fUxXRs". Good man.
Criticism[edit | edit source]
Paul Thurrott is often savagely attacked for his bias towards Microsoft, complete lack of technical know-how ("ffs, he didn't even know that MS WinXP SP2 had less syslevel changes than OSX!!! What a loser! ROFL!!!!!") and his hitherto unspoken sexual allegiance with Jehovah. He is also regularly critiqued for being unable to back up his arguments with any substantiated, knowledgeable, passable or otherwise acceptable evidence of any kind whatsoever. This clearly unfounded observation is the foundation of Paul's hate community (whom he affectionately dubbed his "best friends") , who are really, really nice people (something the world could really do without. Trouble-making bastards).