User:Liquid Chicken

The best user on any website ever. -Bob Marley

Intro

I am Liquid Chicken, or J.D. Nelson. Many of you may know may know me as the creator of time, founder of NASA, or inventor of the sock. Throughout my life I have achieved many things but never been able to tell anyone my great success stories, so I decided that Uncyclopedia was the perfect place to tell people about my completely true adventures because they are a community full of people who care and are considerate. Are you still reading? See, you just proved me right. Be sure to read all the wonderful stories I will continue to put on this page.--You are only as 5 as you think be the cookie said me as be pirates. 01:50, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

A photograph of me.

Stories

Here I will post some of my most delightful experiences that would do well if they were translated into literature.

Fundraiser

Once upon a time I was walking down the street when I saw a little girl raising money for her school, I was about to donate some when i thought how funny the look on her face would be if she noticed all the money missing. So I walked up to her and made her sniff my rag of chloroform. Soon after I took the money and noticed some cops chasing after me. I knew this would ruin my prank, so I shot each one and hung their bodies in the city center next to a sign that I made with the words "Pirates ye be warned" on it.

Loch Ness

Once I was taking a trip to the lake of Loch Ness which is also a lake. Upon reaching there I found THE Loch Ness Monster burger stand and happily paid $5.00 for a gut-wrenchingly disgusting meal. I threw up. Oh, and I saw this dinosaur thing in the lake which was sort of cool but really not the highlight of my travel so I didn't mention it. I did dive down to follow it and found a seabed full of primeval creatures from prehistoric times. I was in awe until one of them tried to bite me so I set up some explosives to destroy all records of their existence. It's not like anyone cared anyways.

Cat Pelts

This one is more of an announcement than a story. I skinned some cats the other day and skinned then, but someone stole all my pelts! How am I going to eat cat jerky in peace without my fluffy kitten coat? Please return them, or I'll have a man jacket to.

Num Nums

I was with my friend Bob Marley one day when he told that inside of every animals belly button there was num nums to be found, and that humans have the best num nums. I thought about this for a while, then immediately started ripping the shirts off of pedestrians to investigate said "num nums", I didn't find anything and came to the conclusion that they had already eaten the num nums, so I empties their stomach contents into my mouth, and, in desperation their intestinal contents. The pedestrians were not happy with this, as they stopped functioning shortly after I did this, but it was worth it for the num nums.

See Also

Flying Burritos Elvis Presley