User:LilypadBell/Magazine
A magazine is a type of advertising where you pay to get splattered in the face with advertisements, gossip, subscriptions (to more magazines) , advertisements, gossip, and celebrity advertisements that you have been brainwashed to care about. Unlike TV, junk mail, or billboards, you actually have to pay for this - willingly - with your own money. Anyone who does this is either a) a retarded 12 year old girl or b) a retarded 40 year old woman or c) a retard. Reading a magazine makes you mentally incapacitated.
The History[edit | edit source]
The magazine was invented by the CIA during WWII. After years of perfecting, they named it Torture Retardation Device 1.0, but later gave it the code name "Magazine." They sent an undercover agent to distribute it amongst Hitler's army. They ate this crap up. Gossip (and orders for fungal foot cream) spread, and eventually they became ordering this from us. Rumor has it that this was the reason Hitler killed himself. Big business took the sales over immediately. Then, a great (read: diabolical) idea came into their minds. (Yup. Simultaneously. Just like that.) "What if we brought this over to America?" They had no idea what terror and stupidity they would unleash upon this nation.
The Main Players[edit | edit source]
The main 5 magazine companies, listed here with their topic:
- PEOPLE: Talks about actual people, gossip
- TIME: Gossips about time travel and such, naturally
- SEVENTEEN: Talks about seventeen-year-olds, gossips
- MAD: A mostly insane magazine, strangely doesn't gossip (Debated on whether or not actual magazine)
- ZORK TODAY: Gossip about new cheats in Zork.
Note- These topics are assumed, for nobody cares enough to actually read this crap.
Effects Today[edit | edit source]
Today Magazines are still in effect, though they are banned from all government buildings. The IQ of the common people has ultimately declined to that of rocks.