User:Landmower

Jesus Hates This Article

The Big Jee curses this article and its author. By reading this article you have committed an irredeemable sin, and will most certainly be going straight to Hell.

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Josh!: The Life.

Discovery

Back in the year 0006 when Jesus was 6 years old, he wandered from his home on June 6th. As he passed the local tree in the small town he saw a newborn baby lying at its base. This baby was Josh! Motherfucking Christy. A name tag was inserted in one of the baby's pectoral muscles, yet, caused the child no harm. Jesus made the decision to help the kid, and took him home.

10 Years Later.

Josh! bled for the first time when he was playing with sheet metal. Everyone gasped.

Adulthood.

Josh! became world renowned as the one who crucified Jesus. The Jews rejoiced. Ironically, it was the Jews who also shunned him from their religion when they found out he was the one who told the world of the existence of Jew Gold.

Decrepitness.

Just over 2000 years of age, Josh! can now finally retire from his job. What job is that? No one knows.

Josh!: The Omnipotent.

Many a time man has wondered, "When will our own civilization end?" The answer to this age old question is hidden, deep within an impenetratable substance. Josh!'s massive pectorial muscles. Only God can penetrate them, but he doesn't dare try. Josh! has also proven that God can hate someone other than gays. Once, Bob Hope dared to attempt to harm Josh!. We all know how that turned out.

Josh!'s Expidites.

To much dismay, Josh! is not the invincible, ingenious, delightful, free spirit you might think. He had his hand in many world events over the years.

• Rode Hitler's Flying Train as it killed off the Hindus and destroyed Atlantis.
• Confused communications between Hitler and his bodyguards to make Hitler interpret Eskimos (his original foe) as Jews and Gypsies.
• Josh! disguises himself as an Eskimo on off days and helps his brothers rule Germany with their cold, iron fist.
• George Bush didn't get voted into the presidency. He was the only candidate who could afford Josh!'s price.

Josh!'s Enemies.

• Sheet Metal
• Bears
• God
• Raptor Jesus
• More Bears
• Pockets
• Knives

But Josh! loves his pocket knives.

Josh!'s Past Times.

• Bass
• World of Whorecraft