User:Kippy/UnNews:Martians have shitty-looking flowers

Needless to say, Valentine's Day isn't a major commercial holiday.

10 January 2013
YELLOWKNIFE BAY, Mars -- The Curiosity rover sent a photo of what appears to be a Martian flower back to NASA this week during its ongoing feeling-up of the planet Mars. Whether or not it is actually a flower, however, is up for mass debate, as this is one of the ugliest flowers anyone on Earth has ever seen.

"Wow, what a shitty flower," remarked journalist and photographer Ken Kramer (no relation) while touching up the photo. "I once submitted a painting of a flower painted entirely out of smeared bird shit to art school that looked better than this. That was a great semester, by the way. I lost my virginity. On top of that very painting."

In trying to reach Mars' reclusive Martians for comment on their apparently pitiful flowers, NASA managed to pull a word from spokesmartian Spomar. "Oh, get off our asses," stated Spomar, leaving astro biologists to further ponder how many asses the average Martian has. "This is the planet of War! We don't have time for frilly things like floral care. Even the homosexuals are now in the military," he said referring to the repeal of the planet's Don't Ask, Don't Tell police 700 years ago. "Besides, we can barely water our plant life as it is."

The ugly-ass flower is to be picked and brought home to be studied for medical uses by the Carl Sagan 'Get High Every Night' Foundation.