User:Kaleidoscope-arrest/Kaleidoscope-arrest

Kaleidoscope-Arrest is a rare heart condition that tends to affect middle-aged, erstwhile hippies and teens with strange and retro taste in music (see The Beatles). It is a deadly, lethal, and possibly fatal malady that can strike at any time. It is generally impossible to cure.

Symptoms

KA attacks are usually preceeded by bursts of uncontrollable giggling, singing, and air guitar playing. The victim's eyes will sometimes change colour, and reports often say that their vision will change substantially, pre-arrest (sudden shifts in colour, size, and direction of perception are noted. There are also reports of shapes such as stars, stripes, and swirls).

Effects on the Human Body

The heart is the main organ that is affected by KA. When KA strikes, the heart contracts and expands at an alarming rate, usually to the beat of whatever music is being listened to at the time. Eventually, the heart cannot take the stress and simply collapses. While this occurs, the victim loses control of most of their body, thus explaining the giggling, singing, and air guitar playing.

History

The first accounts of kaleidoscope-arrest were found dating back to 1960. It was first described as "a total psychedelic like, trip out, man!" (see Drugs). For some time, teens and young adults would engage in excessive music-listening and substance abuse, trying to contract KA. This was, at the time, seen as an excellent pass-times for young individuals with “too much time on their hands” (see Parents).

However, KA was soon recognized as a dangerous disease, and teenagers were banned from trying to achieve it (this is also known as banning or illegalizing drugs). Nowadays, very few people are actually afflicted with this acrimonious affliction, and those who are either have no support at home (and are therefore “not worth the effort to save them” — see doctors) or have only been infected with the mildest form.

KA is said to be caused by the retro bacterium. This parasitic growth usually manifests itself in the form of CDs, posters, and old vinyl records in particular.

Forms

There are three main forms of KA: the mild form, which is known as a ‘psychedelic murmur’; the medium form, called an ‘acid trip’; and the strong, most violent form, known as ‘LSD’.

• Psychedelic Murmur

The mildest form of kaleidoscope-arrest. It can be cured with heavy doses of intelligence and classical music. A parent whose child has suffered through a psychedelic murmur is advised to search said child's room and remove any sources of the retro bacterium that may have caused the KA.

• Acip Trip

The medium form of kaleidoscope-arrest. It can also be cured, but occurances of this are very rare. Intelligence and classical music must be joined by prayer and consistant church-going if the victim is to survive. The victim's possessions must all be burned if the retro bacterium is to be destroyed.

• LSD (or Long, Slow Death)

The strongest and completely fatal form of kaleidoscope-arrest. It is said that LSD was once cured, but those reports are difficult to believe, as anyone affected with this form die within moments of the attack. LSD is very uncommon and does not affect teenagers, but every so often a middle-ager will be found dead with starry eyes and his/her arms held as though they are playing guitar.

Random Facts

• The name kaleidoscope-arrest is derived from a famous Beatles song called Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds. At one point, the song quotes "the girl with kaleidoscope eyes". The very first account of KA occured during the playing of this song.

• Kaleidoscope-arrest is "a horrible disease, but very fun to say".

• kaleidoscope-arrest is also the name of an Uncyclopedia contributor.