User:Jesus In A Fruit Basket
“He's a fuckin' animal in bed.”
- — Virgin Mary on Jesus In a Fruit Basket
Jesus In A fruit Basket[edit | edit source]
Let's start with the summary[edit | edit source]
Jesus In A Fruit Basket (called Fred from this point on) is just what you think it is. A fucking pirate. He uses his hook to clean his teeth, and he eats twenty young virgins for breakfast. Every day. He is quite bad ass, and he uses his wooden peg leg to club little puppies to death. He also sprinkles the virgins' blood on his potted plants because he believes it acts as an incredibly powerful fertilizer. The potted plants are even capable of attaining the speed of light in just under three minutes. He uses the plants as little vessels for his bo-weevils which take over planets in completely different galaxies. He then sets up bases on these planets from which he launches nuclear warheads at the planets' respective stars, and the resultant neutron flairs decimate the life on the planets closer to the stars.
If you meet him on the street I suggest you offer him his daily recommended value of virgins in exchange for one of his potted plants. Overall he's a nice guy.
His early years[edit | edit source]
Fred was born in the year 1927 in the city of Istanbul, Whatever country Istanbul is in. The year he was born in was a year of great change, and, likewise, his birth was different from previous births from previous years.He sprung forth from his mother's womb in the disguise of a drunken wombat. He was already twenty-three years old at this time. And through the use of camel shit, he was able to greatly slow down the aging process. So, today, in 2005, Fred is still twenty-three years old. But, wait a fucking minute, this section is supposed to be the early years, so why am I jumping ahead to 2005!? Well, why not?
At the age of twenty-three, Fred discovered, not only the remedy for tuberculosis, but also the cure for AIDS, the best way to treat gum disease, and he wrote several novels, all entitled Camel Shit, The Benefits Of. He also created a manaical robot who assassinated Stephen Hawking. His latest accomplishment at the age of twenty-three is his large fleet of intergalactical potted plants.
His latter years[edit | edit source]
Didn't you fucking pay attention. He only has one year.
~FIN~