User:Iwillkillyou333/UnBooks: Book of Communism

Hello there, welcome to the wonderful world of Communism. My name is Dmitri Mikihal. I am friendly Russian Communist guide who will teach you lifestyle, politics, and history of Communism. Our friendly escort, a Chinese soldier with live ammunition who has sworn to protect our beloved communism will be accompanying us the entire time. You can call him Chang the Chinese Soldier. Say hello Chang.

Chang: Sup, dudes.

Ok, now that we all got acquainted, let’s get started. But first let's see if anybody has to go to the bathroom. Anybody need to go? Nobody? Oh, you do sir? Go right ahead, we'll wait until you've done your business.

(10 Minutes Later)

That took a while. What did you eat, six American cheeseburgers? Oh well, better now than later. Ok, off to the wonderful world of Communism.

Intro

In the Chinese version

Now you may ask yourself, "What is Communism? Who invented it? Is it a good type of government?" Well, your in luck, because we are going to teach you the great history of Communism. Despite the fact that Communist have been known to massacre many people, and restrict many freedoms, and even pay to use the bathroom, Communism is a wonderful thing. Just whatever you do, don't piss the higher authorities off, because Communist leaders are known to have no mercy on anybody, even their great sweet cute little old granny.

Man: Pfffffff, this type of government sucks........

Chang takes out gun and shoots him dead

I've told you people, he's armed with live ammunition, and is willing to shoot at anyone who makes fun or insults our beloved Communism. Isn't that right Chang?

Chang: Thats right, got a problem with it, talk to me and my gun, and we'll straighten it out, PRC style.

Are we all clear? Good, let’s continue onward.

Chapter 1: Our Great Leaders

Now first we will begin by going over the founders and leaders of Communism. Just like any other political view, there has to be people who created it and put it into effect. Otherwise, countries like Mother Russia would still be under the rule of the Russian Empire, who are bunch of wimps till we communist kicked their asses out of power.

Our first leader is Karl Marx, the one who started it all. We owe it all to him, as if it wasn’t for him Communism would never existed and we would be under some Nazi government crap. He is well known for writing his book of communist ideas. However, it wasn't until later that Communism would actually exist. Our next great leader is the one who put Communism into practice, put your hands together for Vladimir Lenin. With the Russian Revolution had ended the worthless previous government and Lenin and his Bolshevik Party become rulers of Russia and creating the Soviet Union. What would we do without Lenin? However, even Lenin isn't compared to this champion of Communism. Give a victorious shout the great, the almighty, the incredible, winner of over 160 Communist Awards, Joseph Stalin! Yes, the greatest communist leader of all times!

Idiot Nazi Guy: "What so great about this faggot?"

Get's turn into Swiss Cheese by Chang's machine gun

What is great about Stalin you ask? Well, your dead now, so I will tell those still living instead. Stalin is the man who brought Russia to its feet when it was on the ground wounded and crying. The man who brought Mother Russia to become one of the greatest and powerful nations in the world. He brought industrialisation to economic collectivization Mother Russia, unlike those so-called leaders of the Russian Empire who gave us only sticks and twigs. In order to cleanse the Communist Party of Russia of those who comment sabotage, terrorism, and treachery. Many people died, but Stalin managed to purify Mother Russia of evilness left by those evil capitalist bastards of the Russian Empire.

But his greatest thing he ever did was that he manage to slay an evil dragon and his minions of evil- that dragon was Adolf Hitler, the most evilest man in the world. With Stalin, Russia manage to defeat the evilness in Nazi Germany and killed Hitler himself. Seriously he did. The entire suicide thing was just a myth by Americans because they couldn’t kill Hitler themselves. He was hiding in his bunker and came out and said, "Hello there, Adolf Hitqueer, Mother Russia sends her regards. She also said, 'Your days of tyranny are finish.'" By the time Hitler got the chance to get his gun out to kill Stalin, Stalin took out his gun first and shot Hitler in the heart. His wife Eve actually killed herself with cyanide. In his dying breath Hitler responded, "You’re greater than me, and I cannot defeat you, because I suck. Hail Stalin!" then he died. Stalin said, "Thank you thank you very much!" When he left and Hitler’s bodyguards came they took on of the now decease Eve's Cyanide pills and put it in the now deceased Hitler’s mouth to make it look like suicide so Germany won't be embarrassed and burned his body to cover up the evidence.Because of Stalin, Russia manage to defeat Nazi Germany. (America and Britain also helped, very little though) Oh, sorry that was so long. I just love Stalin. I have an action figure of him and everything. He's the man!

Our next great leader is second greatest and Chang the Soldier's favorite is Mao Zedong, China's Communist dictator who founded the People's Republic of China after kicking out the Republic of China during the Chinese Revolution. He wasn't as good as Stalin but a worthy leader to mention indeed.

And we certainly don't want to forget Fidel Castro, our Cuban communist who is one of todays only living ancient Communist founder to date. Seriously he's like 300 years old or something. He is also notable for puttting a communist state in the Western Hemisphere right under Florida, and tormenting those capitalist bastards of America. No offense to you Americans.

Chapter 2: Revolution

For Communism to take the place of another government, a revolution must begin. First, a man who likes communism must create a political group consisting of people who like communism. Then they must grow an army out of spit and hard work. Then comes propaganda, telling the country that the current government is weak and must go. Then come an important part; the actual revolution.

Chapter 6: Working for Communism

Isn't Communism wonderful?

Old worker: No it sucks!

Get shot 1000 times in the stomach and dies a slow painful death.