User:I Like Turtles/Dead!

WARNING!

This article is excessively emo. If you suddenly feel like cutting yourself, putting hair over one eye, or wearing only black; you may spontaneously become emo.

“Are we dead?”

~ Gerard Way on Being Dead

“Death is every good emo's aspiration. Fortunately I am not emo.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Not Being Dead

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.Then God created Hell, and lots of people were still very angry. God then killed all the people, and he was happy.”

~ The Bible on Being Dead

This article has been labeled.

Dead?

Dead? is the 1st stage of Dead!. This basically means that the person is completely confused, has absolutely and completely denied they are dead. Dead? is characterized by disoritentation and a stubborn insistence that there must be some mistake and that they are not dead. An example of this is evident below:

Person 1: Where am I?

Saint Peter: Purgatory. Home of the recently dead, who have not yet been judged.

Person 1: I am not dead. I was just on my way to work. I can't be dead.

Saint Peter: You most definitely are dead. If you were not dead, you would be at work.

Person 1: I most definitely am not dead. How come I have a pulse?

Saint Peter: You do not have a pulse because you are DEAD!!!

Person 1: ...

Person 1 then faints, and Saint Peter leaves.

Dead

Dead is the second stage of Dead!. This means that the person has come to terms with their (un)timely demise, and are beginning to accept that they will never be with their family. Dead is characterized with death, being dead, not being living, loss of bodily functions, and brain damage (actually they have no brain to damage, so they are just realizing they are not connected to anything). Dead also brings about a stubborn insistance that the person is definately going to heaven/some kind of afterlife. Since there is no afterlife, they will be terribly disappointed, and resigned to the fact that they will not go to some kind of heaven/afterlife. This makes the person very emo, causing themselves to kill themselves, this makes it very confusing, due to the fact that they are already dead. From here, people tend to go back to Dead? several times before moving on, if they do at all.