User:Happytimes/Super Secret/Facepalm

A "Facepalm" is the result of a rogue magician, brigand or thief who has stolen your face through the use of magic sleight-of-hand techniques.

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Many "face tricksters" begin their career by learning to perform simple card tricks such as the as the False Cut, Hindu Shuffle and the Banking Bail Out. They then move on to more difficult tasks such as the 3000 dollar pyramid, sub-prime lending, and sawing women in half. Once the of art distraction is mastered, those of low morals are able to complete this complicated task with ease.

Mr. T once fell victim to the Facepalm from magical jesters at a carnival. Oh the carny carnage... we pity those fools.

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How to do a traditional Facepalm

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To do a Facepalm simply begin by splitting the audience attention in half and place one half in each observers id. Quickly take the face off the top of the neck in your right hand (held between your thumb and fingers). With the fingers of your left hand slide the face into a satchel and place them in the palm of your right hand, which is now lower than your neck. Keep the pace of movement in your left hand close to the original neck as you do so, which makes it appear that you are fluffing the neck but in actuality are providing the needed mis-direction for the audience's ego. Provide a flourish and say something like, ta-da to bring the viewers out of hypnosis so that they may observe the faceless 'volunteer.' This will allow you to bask in their glory.

• Note: It is illegal to retire from the scene with the face you've palmed.

Practice the Facepalm until it looks real and effortless before attempting this trick.

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My face!
Don't worry that your volunteer may scream or cry out in fear. The most you'll hear will be a muffled garble not unlike that of a sack full of kittens or of Ozzy Osbourne ordering brunch at a local diner. Although uncomfortable your victim volunteer will have no choice but to laugh in glee once their face is returned to them. To restore the face, simply reverse the above steps (remembering to mis-direct the ego and to split the attention for the id).

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The effects of prolonged Face-Palming

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Although short duration Facepalming is allowed for entertainment, long term displacement may be damaging to the victim and is criminal in some cases. Many of those who experience dis-face-ia are prone to light sensitivity .......

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