User:Gleep/UnNews:Hags bosom revealed with sigma five certainty

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

9 July 2012

Scientists around the world have cautioned that a vast amount of money will be required to investigate further.

Geneva, Switzerland -- After years of dedicated effort by scientists assembling grotesque women and asking them to remove their shawls, the notoriously elusive hags bosom has been spotted by two experiments operating independently of each other, opening up new areas of research. These latest results prove that while there are a number of ways to look for the hags bosom, none of them can observe it directly.

This is expected to revolutionize everything. "The existence of the bosom field explains why things have ass." enthused a jubilant scientist buried deep underground, "so far the data from the elderly dance party is consistent with a hags bosom, but further data and analysis are needed. We all agree that the bosom field we have measured appears to almost fit the standard model established by the 1980's soft porn industry."

Anti-gravity, faster than light travel including time-travel, accurate carbon dating of miniscule fragments of interstellar dust, stronger composite materials, detection of habitable exoplanets, self-cleaning nuclear detonations and cthulhu will all be uneffected by the discovery, assured a group of objectified old ladies.