User:Gamma287/ITW/UnNews:Hipsters Become Mainstream; Rioting Ensues in Major American Cities

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

26 August 2013

WASHINGTON, D.C., UNITED STATES - A recent wave of violence has rendered Congress in a state of peril. This recent wave of violence was caused by a surge in hipster culture, in turn causing hipsters to become mainstream, totally contradicting what it truly means to be a hipster and rendering the point of being one totally moot.

Hipsters across the nation, in a futile attempt to become "less mainstream," are rioting in the streets to prove who is more socially backwards than the other. At first, disputes were solved by group votes on who was the most outlandishly different, but as camps began to form and ideologies began to take shape, the disputes grew more severe, at times becoming contests on who could homoerotically "ship" (shortened from the word "relationship;" used to pair a set of characters in a love and/or sexual relationship) the most Star Trek characters in the matter of an hour or who could post the most photos of their lunch on their favorite social network in a given time.

Local hipster and non-conformist leader known only by the pseudonym, "PolyZon," has called for "an open war" against his fellow hipsters in the name of non-conformism, calling for the use of the blog site "Tumblr" as a weapon of mass destruction.

Life for the once mainstream American has been severely altered, as well, with the once-common "Yolo-Swag" becoming an endangered species in cities they once thrived in, such as Los Angeles and New York City. Famous rapper, Lil' Wayne, has fallen from popularity due to a rise in popularity of indie bands due to the rapid influx of hipster culture and has been reported to be digging in the trash for food and money. This is considered normal behavior for Lil' Wayne, as marijuana is not a cheap drug to purchase, nor are the legal proceedings for registering copyrights on the song you just wrote about smoking said marijuana. MTV, the channel that once hosted "mainstream" television programs such as "Teen Mom" and "16 and Pregnant," now hosts a plethora of indie music documentaries and various 1980's music video programming blocks. Most critics laud this as an improvement.