User:Frosty/golden quotes
These are the best quotes known to man taken from the pioneer in comedy 94.23.70.173, and pasted here for your viewing pleasure.
“When I was a child I had no idea I would grow to be the gayest man in the world. My mother helped me to see the light. She would chain me to the radiator and beat me with implements. Wooden spoons, hairbrushes, shoe trees. Sometimes she used her own pendulous, shriveled teats. All the while she would force me to watch bootlegged videos of rich homosexuals having orgies. When I turned 13, I began to widen my anus with a series of graduated measures. Eventually I got it so big that I could insert an unlubricated hockey puck sideways without tearing. At that point, I knew that I was ready for the Gay Circus”
“Improv? Im great at improv. For instance I have found myself without sex toys on several occasions. Anything can work for stimulation as long as its firm enough. A pickle, a mayonnaise jar, even a bratwurst if you have one handy. A freshly peeled Spanish onion slides in with ease and gives a pleasant tingle on insertion. At one point last year the entire contents of my refrigerator had been inside my anus”
“PENIS PENIS FROM THE SOUTHPENIS PENIS IN MY MOUTHPENIS PENIS EVERYWHERESPRAY YOUR CUM ALL IN MY HAIR”
“I find that the most sensuous part of the body is the anus. Just thinking of my own anus makes my dick harder than a double-handfull of diamonds compressed into a single, larger superdiamond.”
“Please to give me more ballsacks for my mouth! I enjoy to suck them hard, especially after coating them with a smooth syrup of crushed strawberries and clotted cream!”
“Please to give me more ballsacks for my mouth! I enjoy to suck them hard, especially after coating them with a smooth syrup of crushed strawberries and clotted cream!”
“My name is SPIKE and I enjoy devouring entire boxes of cocks. My mouth has had more cock inside it than a Tyson chicken factory”
“FUCK ME HARDER DADDY! HARDER! HARDER! OH YES!”
“I HATE NIGGER DYKE PUSSY!”
“When I was a child I had no idea I would grow to be the gayest man in the world. My mother helped me to see the light. She would chain me to the radiator and beat me with implements. Wooden spoons, hairbrushes, shoe trees. Sometimes she used her own pendulous, shriveled teats. All the while she would force me to watch bootlegged videos of rich homosexuals having orgies. When I turned 13, I began to widen my anus with a series of graduated measures. Eventually I got it so big that I could insert an unlubricated hockey puck sideways without tearing. At that point, I knew that I was ready for the Gay Circus”
“My boss at work can fit both of his fists inside my butthole, along with a stapler, two water bottles, the tray from the color laser-jet printer, and a Spanish onion with the root-end sliced off. True story.”
“Probably my life-size autographed replica of Ron Jeremys penis. I got it at PornoCon 03. I bet you didnt know they make those things are grape-flavoured. Well now you do.”
“You wouldnt believe how pleasurable a bowel movement can be. When I get the urge, I like to clasp my buttocks together with both hands for several hours. I only let it slide out when it starts to get painful. If I do it right my cum hits the wall all the way across the bathroom”