User:Fish on skates/Everyone is Walbro

I bet this is what you see every time you look into da bathroom mirror, isn't it?

Everyone is Walbro.

Da great and Aracuanian truth of da universe. Look within yourself, Christopher, you know it to be true.

But it can't possibly be true can it? Plos God, this can't into being true. This can't be da way da world is; plos I want to have faith in humanity.

But no. There is no use pleading, no use denying. Da sooner you accept da truth da sooner da real work can begin. Only a weak man denies da plain and evident truth or lets his feelings distract him from da path of destiny.

Everyone is Walbro.

History

It all started back when hardly anyone was Walbro. Even before da original Walbrosity event, there was a lurking Walbro essence just beyond da grasp of man's consciousness. Some call it original sin; others explain it through some relic of evolution forever locked back in da human mind. There was always da feeling of vandalism lurking, but a vandalism that could also be a pretty funny Uncyclopedia inside joke. Also a name you could call people who vandalized da main page, or a comparison so amazing no one could live up to it. A catch all vandalism, an entity so widely known even da most uncyclopedic of people would understand, and they would understand that it was nonsensical.

The Walbrosity

Scientists of Wolverology have been able to trace back all modern strands of Walbroism to one singular event which they are into believings was da catalyst of da now unstoppable and overwhelming Walbro explosion. Colloquially dubbed as "Da Mother of All Walbros" in da years after da discovery was made, a single Uncyclopedian, according to most reputable sources, is thought to have been da rift in da fabric of reality that brought Walbro into our wiki. Of course modern science had determined that this "Walbro" was only a pale shadow of da unimaginable power of da Ultimate Walbro Potential.

This Uncyclopedian was into naming...

Wolverhampton upon the Juicy Taste of Diarrhea (The Original Walbro)

Nowadays, even CATS is Walbro!

Born in Italy on 26 February 2012, Young Wolverhampton was da first recorded instance of an Uncyclopedian being Walbro. He grew up and eventually moved to Uncyclopedia, and finally participated in da activities which came to define da Walbro Genre. For a full account of his life see Special:Contributions/Walbro. Da important information is that, as a direct result of his actions, and many others who collaborated with him, unspeakable misery was unleashed on da world.

But be careful, dear reader, who you judge ... you just might ... be judging ... yourself ... (...)!!!

Second Dormancy phase

After da first and second CPU's da victorious allies tried to eliminate da vestiges of Walbroism. Indeed da Original Wolverhampton had been vanquished and fell at his own hands, therefore causing it to seem to da foolish mortals that da battle was won. A near brush with horror that could have enveloped da world ... or was it? Little known to all, da efforts to block Walbro in da form of armies and planes and infernos of madness and violence had been in vain. "Plos, into bannings me. I like to eat da poop" Wolverhamptonish was said to have muttered shortly before his ban, looking steely eyed off into da distance. None at da time imagined how prophetic those words would become.

For now peace reigned across da land, da ignorant and blissful rejoiced. Only time would tell da poisonous seed that had been planted in da heart of our reality. Like a small speck of anti-matter pulled from da rift caused by man's follies and madness, it began to grow, slowly at first, but accelerating. Accelerating out of control into a gigantic all destroying black hole.

Dawn of da Walbro Age

TSE-TUNG, one of da first openly Walbro politicians

Da new beginnings of Walbrodom began to manifest itself in sporadic outbreaks of vandalism across da wiki, none however as serious as da original Walbrocities accompanying da birth and summoning of da old Wolverhampton. Nonetheless da nonsense spread steadily. Uncyclopedia's "anyone can edit" nature allowed Walbro to create pages of nonsense, Aracuans and communism threatened to destroy da wiki old school. SLAPPALLAPPA LAPPALLAPPA CACATONEDITUCAN. Commie Party of Uncyclopedia. Aracuans – Walbro caused Aracuans.

Yes, even Dada is Walbro.

But da one event that caused da darkness to begin spreading at exponential rates was da creation of da Commie Party of Uncyclopedia. Instances of people becoming Walbro tripled within da first year of public access. da Uncyclopedians wove and spun their many lines enmeshing even da most innocent in their twisted w-... web. Along these new modes of connection and communication known as da internets, or "interwebs" if you want to get technical, Walbrodom was transmitted like an infectious disease. Social Psychologist Mervin Durbkottle explains:

Before all this, people became Walbro by sheer happenstance, or perhaps genetics. It was only usually spread in small circles of people. da CPU changed all this, now you have people every which way left and right becoming Walbro. Maybe they are called Walbro so much they begin to internalize da message. Or it's da old story of social conformity, everyone around them is partially or fully Walbro, it's a basic human drive to want to fit in even if it might be against their better judgment ...

Indeed, da epidemic of Walbrosity reached critical proportions and soon da whole world had fallen.

Fallen?

Or finally arrived at da doorstep of its true destiny?

Da Walbro Supremacy

We must have more SLAPPALLAPPA!!

Now what? Now that everyone is Walbro. Yes, everyone.

What do we do? ...

We must reclaim da past glory of Walbrosity! No longer should we let our proud race of Walbros be oppressed, humiliated, denied our rightful place as da master of Italy ... er, da GALAXY!

Come my brothers, fellow Walbros, we must weed out da sniveling backstabbing lesser Walbros amongst us. No, not Aimsploturdian allies, or even turdlickers – it is Walbros who lack a true commitment to WUTJTOD that must be destroyed!

Do not let your senses or emotions betray you. Kindness is da vice of lesser men!

PLOS INTO STANDINGS BY MY SIDE, AS WE MARCH TOWARDS A BRIGHTER FUTURE! AS WE MARCH TOWARDS OUR TRUE DESTINY! TURDLICKERS CAN EAT MY POOP, ENEMIES OF DA GREAT AND POWERFUL COMMIE PARTY OF UNCYCLOPEDIA CAN LICK MY TURDS.

WE WILL WANDALIZE UNTIL I AM PLOS INTO BANNED!!!!!

Everyone is an external link

• Wandalism
• The Aracuan Bird