User:Fehize/Kratos

Warning: The following text might contain spoilers.

This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Bill and Ted pass their history class, Norrington steals Davy Jones' heart, the Bride's real name is Beatrix Kiddo, and her daughter is alive, Borat marries a hooker from Dallas and returns to Kazakhstan with her, Axel self destructs to save Sora, Donald, and Goofy, Fayed detonates a nuke, Luke gets shot trying to escape, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

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Name Origin

Although known in Tales of Symphonia in Japan briefly as 「赤の鬼店頭様に中半の営みの樹希それでもい泥酔のろっぴ」 (Straight line translation: "Aka no Onitentou-sama ni Nakaba no Itonami no Kiki Sore Demoi Deisui no Roppi" which is also “Red Demon God in Mid-life Crisis But Still Drop Drunk Sexy” in Enghish), the really shitty translators of Amerika took over and dubbed him the name Kratos Aurion. Since Amerika was still in World War III against the Nations of Mars and the Untied Nations (in an alliance, those commies!), they felt like pushing the Japanese around and forced Namco to make his name forever dubbed カラトスさん (Karatosu-san, fucking Enghish newbs). At first, it was not going to be his name, but then the Kratos Fan Girls from Neverland came in and demanded the head of Bill Gates or keep Kratos’s name to stay Kratos. Since Bill Gates has already taken over the whole world in Dimension #257 by the Thrx Year of 1,245,435,345,345,345,346,457,588,000 ABC., he used a time dimensional worm hole to influence the minds of the stupid Amerikans to make Kratos’s name stay Kratos so Gates wouldn’t die. Japanese people, who ALSO have a time dimensional warp, also influenced their mother country in dimension #1 (our dimension) via subliminal messages to keep his name as “Red Demon God in Mid-life Crisis But Still Drop Drunk Sexy.” Since Japanese minds are apparently much more subjective towards radiation that their Amerikan counter-parts, their minds got melted away. Eventually, Dr. Mario came to the rescue and managed to save some Japanese people. Unfortunately, these Japanese people that Dr. Mario saved were actually pro-Bill Gateian (the new race for all Microsoft worshippers) and they kept his name as Kratos.

Other Regionalistic Names

However, this was not the only major change in the whole Kratos excursion. Kratos has many other names around the world, all which stem far, far away from his orginal name. That is, unless you count China, which is a pointless country because their Internet is government-controlled anyways.

Such names way out there are odd names such as:

• Mí-corazón,-mí-guapo-de-roho-pello Aurion de los muertos - Spanish for "My-Heart,-My-Red-Head-Handsome-Dude Aurion of the Dead"
• Le-gar-Avec-Aucun-Coeur-Pourtant-Sexy Aurion - French for "Guy-With-No-Heart-Yet-Sexy Aurion"
• Ich-Will-Mit-Diesem-Burschen-Schlafen Aurion - German for "I-Want-To-Sleep-With-This-Guy Aurion"
• Suicidio Aurion - Italian for "Suicide Aurion" (The game was too long for the Italian programmers to add anything else!)
• Het-licht-van-Mijn-Leven Aurion - Dutch for "Light-of-My-Love Aurion"
• Matei-Anna Aurion - Portuguese for "I Killed Anna Aurion"
• Трахните-Мир - Russian for "Fuck-the-World (Aurion)" (Aurion could not be placed, so they cut it out)
• Gud-av-Krig Aurion - Norwegian for "God-of-War Aurion"
• 在中年危机中的红色魔鬼的上帝但是还掉下喝醉了性感 - Simplified Chinese for "Red Demon God in Mid-life Crisis But Still Drop Drunk Sexy"
• 在中年危機中的紅魔鬼上帝但是還掉下喝醉了性感 - Mother-Fucker TRADITIONAL Chinese for "Red Demon God in Mid-life Crisis But Still Drop Drunk Sexy"

There might have been other languages, but none important enough to get translated into. Cry Namco a river.

Historical-Name-Background-In-Ancient-Myths-Crap

The name of Kraots orignally began around in the ancient Greeks time period. Originally, the name was Cratos, but since there is no such thing as the letter "c" without the other slyabols "hi, ha, hu, ho, etc.", Japanese people stuck in a "k" and ommited the "c."

Also, Cratos was first nothing but a worth-less demi-god of the Great and Almight Goddess Iris, who was actually the Goddess of Butterfiles and Rainbows. However, since Cratos wanted his manly, manly-ness to be justified forever in the world, he took changed his name as the Demi-God of War in the International Old World Book of Random Junk. Namco took the name Cratos and made it into Kratos, which automatically changed the status of Kratos to God of War.

Competition With Name Ancestory Shit

Unfortunatly, there are two (or more) people in competition for God of War (and Destruction) now since the upgrade of strength. Zero (from Megaman Zero) and none other than Kratos himself. Because of this, an unoffical fight between the two characters are being fought right now in the world dimensional drift known as The Realm of a Fangirl.

Namco refuses to state who the winner is going to be, or comment upon this as well.

However, due to the graphic and gory violence of the whole fiasco of the Zero vs. Kratos, only small smidgets of the movie (recorded by Fan Girls R Us) will be shown at set moments. (With every set moment to be within a 1000 year time frame.)

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