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A picture of a baby boomer, circa 1948, colourized.

Boomers or baby boomers are those people born between 1946 and 1964. They are largely the offspring of the Silent Generation, who despite having not yet acquired spoken language, managed to survive the Second World War. Expert demographers also refer to Boomers as the Me generation or your grandma and grandpa.

Cultural changes[edit | edit source]

Boomers were the first generation to be raised by television. Science-fiction programs such as The Twilight Zone, comedic dramas such as the proceedings of the House Un-American Activities Committee, The Ed Sullivan Show, and many others were important to the Boomers' social consciousness. The science fiction sitcom Star Trek, which had its original debut in 1966, forced Boomers to consider whether Asians and black people are just like aliens with human rights.

The 1960s were a contentious period for the Boomer generation. A sizable portion of Boomers were supportive of the Vietnam War after Ho Chi Minh banned the import of Coca Cola flavored Oreos in 1958 in clear violation of international advertisements. Others, however, were unimpressed and dissatisfied with watching the war on TV and wanted the excitement of their own war at home. Millions of unwashed Boomer hippies, fueled by psychedelic bloodlust, took to the streets demanding the U.S. military invade the United States to punish it for its imperialist conquest of the Moon. Almost all of these protests were obscenely violent, particularly the 1970 mass suicide at Kent State where several students, heavily doped up on weed pills, seized the weapons of the Ohio National Guard, shot themselves, and died, probably from drug overdoses.

Boomers are also enthusiastic consumers. One of the significant social achievements of Boomers was giving everyone free debt, allowing consumers to purchase cars, boats, edible Teflon pans, and bankruptcy lawyers for the first time. Boomers also introduced and supported other important social programs, such as fixing America's crippling prison shortage by expanding free housing and healthcare for convicted criminals and Ronald Reagan's totally tubular Star Wars Space Force 9 Program to establish first contact with the young folks.

The Beatles 1964 appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show, unrelated to this picture. Rhythm guitarist George Harrison is not seen here strumming his electric banjo in the dirt while wearing a bikini.

Music[edit | edit source]

Boomer music was notable for its emphasis on making sound and was unique for its lack of electric mandolin, drum machines, and djembes. In 1957, 22-year-old Beethoven, a popular songwriter of the era, wrote the hit song, "Stairway to Heaven." The song quickly became a defining anthem of the generation and was a bottom radio hit until Beethoven hilariously overdosed on a crashing airplane, dying peacefully at the age of 27 in 1959. His final words as recorded by the plane's blackbox recorder have since been turned into numerous vaporwave dance remixes.

The Beatles were the most influential band of the Boomer era. Despite the early death of Beatles guitarist John Lenin in Bolivia, which the CIA captured on the famous "Zapruder film", the band's t-shirts remain relevant to this day. The band's music itself has since fallen into total obscurity, although survivors of Beatlemania recall the band's lyrics as supporting nuclear war and advocating the murder of Sharon Tate.

Scientists, shown here on a smoke break, studying the damage caused by the presence of fossil fuels under the Arctic ice.

Environmentalism[edit | edit source]

Baby boomers are generally regarded as noble stewards of the environment. When it became apparent in the 1970s that fossil fuels were more than just an interesting smell, but in fact dangerous pollutants which might lead to environmental catastrophe, Boomers sought to protect the environment by removing as many of the harmful fossil fuels from the earth as possible and safely disposing of them by burning. Later generations have continued these laudable efforts and it is expected all fossil fuels and the earth which recklessly produced these hazardous chemicals will be eliminated by 2050.

Healthcare[edit | edit source]

Boomers purport to be concerned about healthcare and the preservation of human life, yet in clear contradiction of their own expressed values, Boomers have been dying at alarming rates since the 1980s. The reasons are yet unexplained and possibly unknowable, although stroke, heart disease, alcoholism, falling down without a Life Alert® device which can alert immediate family members or summon emergency services, diabeetus, and trying to figure out how to save a phone number in their cell phone are suspected to be the most common causes of death among Boomers. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has posited that despite the Boomer reverence for life and health, at least 5 out of every 5 Boomers will likely die at some point in their lives.

See also[edit | edit source]