User:DeletedUser0001/UnBooks: The Legend of Ron and the Cheeseburger
The story of Ron goes a long way back to the times when he was just a little boy. You see, even then he was the adventuresome sort -- always the first to fight back at bullies, or to pull down his pants in public. It was just his style. Pure, undetainable man. Then again, maybe he was more of a kind of god. The way he would lasso cattle with his penis during his high-school years, or the way he lost his virginity when he was twelve. He had a kind of charisma and spirit that just drew people to him, the way that middle-school children behave when questioning the wise and all-knowing stoner kid with hair so long he could wipe his own ass.
Fast forward to the year 1993. Ron is fourty years old, famous, boinking porno stars and living the life. The stoner? Well, he accidently bought a bag or oregano and tried to smoke it in his sister's basement. It is this year that Ron transforms from a well-endowed man into a well-endowed legend.
The story[edit | edit source]
Our story begins innocently enough. After the intense exercise of breaking the cherries and spirits of four young virgin ladies, Ron was hungry -- Hungry for the taste of a juicy cheeseburger. Some regular, every day, run-of-the-mill cheeseburger wasn't good enough. He wanted something that would completely satisfy his ravenous hunger the way that he satisfied the intense lust of those virgins.
He began walking. He walked past the McDonalds, past the Burger King, past the Wendys and the Arbys. He knew they couldn't satisfy him. He wanted more.
The short Contrived Middle Part where the author of this book got lazy.[edit | edit source]
Ron Jeremy's agent pulled some strings and invited him to participate as a guest in Legends of the Hidden Temple. He got all the way to the last competition, and lo and behold, the legendary cheeseburger was hidden in the temple.
Long story short, he found it and ate it. It was almost better than sex itself. Almost. He was indeed full. Full of satisfaction and bliss. And cheeseburger. Yummy.
The Completely 100% Original Ending[edit | edit source]
Ron Jeremy opens his eyes and turns on the light. He sits up. "Honey. You won't believe the dream I just had." Next to him lies Suzanne Pleshette. Jeremy tells her that in the dream, he had a massively large penis and had sex with multiple porno stars, that he got hungry and looked for a sacred cheeseburger that could fill any stomach, and that he was a contestant on legends of the hidden temple.
"Go back to sleep" says Pleshette as she turns off the light.
Suddenly, she flicks the light back on. "What do you mean massively large penis?"
Jeremy takes a quick glance under the sheets and says "Go back to sleep."
...
"You should buy me a penis pump".
