User:Deadbraincell/zombies/roevwade

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Civil Rights[edit | edit source]

Recently, the civil rights of zombies have become a flash point issue in many communities. Perhaps the most vocal and noteworthy leader of the pro-zombie civil rights movement is George Romero, who, although not a zombie himself, is rumored to be undead nevertheless. His lawyer stringently denied these rumors, and Mr. Romero himself added 'I vant to suck your blood!' Mr. Romero feels that zombies are marginalized by normal society and that eating human brains should maybe not be limited to just zombies. As of 2009, Romero hopes to open a zombie museum displaying works of zombie art, zombie music, zombie and the unveiling of the first, fresh human brain vending machine.

Roe v. Wade II[edit | edit source]

Romero also is also a strong supporter of Wade's position in the brewing Supreme Court case, Roe v. Wade II.

Yes, Wade died. Norma McCorvey (AKA Jane Roe), however is still alive and has changed her stance on the first Roe v. Wade.

Henry Wade brought charges against McCorvey for stealing his firearm. The event in question began like this: Wade was on a midnight snack run, looking for a tasty brain with which to satisfy his late-night cravings. He came across a young child named Billy Doe playing in the street. Wade, naturally, went on to eat out Billy's brain. Billy's mother, Jane Doe, came outside looking for Billy, and to her dismay saw that her son was dead. In a lapse of thought, she screamed and attacked Wane. In the ensuing tussle, Jane was infected and, left alone, would have turned into a zombie. Wade took out his legally purchased and registered revolver and was about to end the transformation. This is where the defendant McCorvey was walking by and decided to intervene. Her claim is that all life is sacred and should be protected, including unlife. Wade insists that those still in transformation should not be considered intelligent beings and when they aren't wanted by their creators, it is the creator's right to kill the un-undead. The matter is being savagely debated in all political venues, and is so hotly contested that fist fights have broken out between the Supreme Court Justices.

On an unrelated note, Jane Doe, who completed her transformation, ripped 3,741 humans limb from limb to date, and has fed on the brains of an additional 468 people. Psychologists believe that her unprecedented killing rate is partially due to feelings of abandonment toward Wade.

Suffrage[edit | edit source]

Currently, the only country that allows zombies to vote is North Korea. This fact combined with the fact that North Korea does not hold elections tends to confuse the citizens of other countries. Buuuutttt we won't dwell on that. North Korean Chairman of the National Defense Commission, Kim Jong-il, had this to say about zombies' natural rights:

All beings in this country have an equal opportunity to succeed and prosper. This means that we do not silence the opinions of people just because they happen to be dead. Humans, Zombies, that tree, the fairy who came to me last night and told me to shoot Han, Han, the chair I'm sitting on, and even Pluto can speak their mind on whatever subject they desire, as long as they don't go against the Party, and they can vote for any official they like, as long as I also like him. Furthermore, I would not deny a zombie the right to office... as long as it's me.

A fierce battle is ongoing between the left and the right over zombie suffrage. Leftists generally believe that zombies should be able to vote regardless of how many humans they have ripped apart, while those on the right believe that zombies, if allowed to vote, would destroy the traditional values such as family and religion. Leftists in turn claim that perhaps zombies have their own values to bring to the table. Rightists usually give the lefts a blank stare and attempt to end the argument with something like, "Zombies aren't even people!" to which their opponent gives a smug smile, obviously comparing the statement with the idea of slavery. In the United States a zombie was almost given a cabinet position by president Obama, but he decided at the last minute that the appointment was too controversial. He also figured that the zombie would eat the human members in his cabinet before moving on to the oreos and potato chips, especially since it's such a tight space.