User:DanielDowney/Transamerica Pyramid

Here is the Transamerica Pyramid having a discussion with the moon about Steely Dan's 'Aja' album

The story of the Transamerica Pyramid is a tale of loss, retribution, wonder, grace, and a couple kilos of radioactive alien corpses. Although the cover story states that it was designed by architect William Pereira, the truth is not only more interesting but involves much more vowels. The Transamerica Pyramid is actually an alien graveyard-vessel that missed it's intended target, the third (3rd) sun of the X'loobaglock system in the Barfalarfalagous galaxy, which is approximately 299 parsecs from the Andromeda galaxy, give or take a few gazillion light-years. In the base of the Galoonka'Znoss class graveyard-vessel there lies four to five thousand (4000-5000) alien corpses from the planet X'enophobes; they are Nitrogen based life-forms, and being so different from us oxygen breathing bipeds the reader is encouraged to feel no pity for them. We would attempt to describe them here, but fear that the psychological ramifications of actually describing something so strange, so disgusting, would cause the censoring of our website by the Powers That Be.

The Different Levels of the Pyramid

Despite it's exterior appearance, there is in fact only two true levels to the Transamerica Pyramid:

The Graveyard

Here, obviously, is where the alien corpses are kept. They are all in individual quadtanium coffins, filled -- in a manner similar to some cultures on Earth -- with family heirlooms, various possessions, and spiritual items that assuredly meant something special. In fact, many products released in the past 40 years are actually artifacts recovered from the coffins by the Federal Government, who traded the assorted technologies and their patents in exchange not for votes, but in a surprisingly uncharacteristic move for twenty head of cattle per technology. The story goes that the State Department, since the nation retirement of all the milk-men, had complained that the milk for their coffee was not fresh enough; they acquired the cattle in order to provide fresh milk for the two story refrigerator that resides inside the Washington Monument

Some of the technologies recovered from the alien coffins include The Gameboy, tasers, the electric sitar, The Beatles, and Depends adult diapers.

The Other Part of The Ship

The other part of the ship is just for looks. The 'windows' from floors 10 and up are really just light panels that were used to send signals to passing ships as to the nature of the coffin-vessel; they now serve as the perfect urban camouflage.

Modern Day Usage

The smell from the rotting alien corpses makes anyone who enters the building vomit their large intestines out, so a nice Redwood grove was constructed/grown on the south side of the Pyramid, and security guards ensure no one enters. It spends its days posing for photographs, and at night does its best to get in the way of passing aircraft.

Trivia

• The Transamerica Pyramid was a stunt-double for the Eiffel tower in the Clint Eastwood spaghetti western Pasta Round the World: An Outlaw's Tale.
• The Transamerica Pyramid can be seen somewhere in the background of every episode of Murder She Wrote.
• The Transamerica Pyramid won a Grammy for it's 1989 gangster-rap album "I'm Way Bigger Than Yo House, Bitch".
• The Transamerica Pyramid is allergic to peanuts.