User:Ceridwyn/Rich Sod Biscuits

“Like eating a plank, mate.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the rich sod biscuit

“Water, Dear God, please...”

~ Kenneth Twinge, World Rich Sod Biscuit Eating Champion, moments before his death from dehydration

Rich Sod Biscuits.

The Rich Sod Biscuit was invented by Sir Harling Commuter-Belting of Faffingham-on-the-Wold in the year 0500 sometime in the early evening. Known to be somewhat of a prankster amongst his friends Sir Harling was also the biggest wood trader in all of The People's Republic of West Yorkshire in Englandshire. As such he was stuck with the eternal problem of what to do with his wood shavings.

Thus came about the Rich Sod Gentlemanly Coaster factory.

Unfortunately, due to a downturn in the economy and the ongoing Great Banger Famine these coasters did not sell well. In 0545(pm) Sir Harling had to dump the majority of his stock on the bank of the Thames to avoid bankruptcy and fulfil a contract he had for an art installation. Although Sir Harling had intended his coaster dumping as a jocular piece of environmental rape he was most surprised to find that the local starving peasants were eating the coasters. There seemed to be no complaints apart from the usual "I wish we had something to dunk this in*."

Sir Harling then ran back to his ideas factory and the Rich Sod Biscuit was born. It is unique among biscuits in that it has no pleasant features at all, though it does go very well with Tea.

The Rich Sod Biscuit should not be confused with Mcvitae's Rich Tea Biscuit and life-preserving apparatus.

• There is some debate amongst scholars as to whether this comment was actually about the coasters or about Mrs Mabel Peak of Chapel-En-Le-Frith, Lancashire, a noted Witch who was touring the area at the time.

Names to steal from

Viscounts Trenchard:

• Hugh Jepherson Smythe Edgar Astor Rhapsody-in-Blue Trenchard III, 1st Viscount Trenchard (2009-1956)
• Hugh Ripley Godot Wilberforce Trenchard II, 2nd Viscount Trenchard (1173-3390)
• Dave Trenchard, 3rd Viscount Trenchard (106-1957)
• Bob Tim Tom Henry Will Trenchard, 4th Viscount Trenchard (18X3-197)
• Gimli Trenchard, 5th Viscount Trenchard (873-1487)
• Jabber the Trenchard, 6th Viscount Trenchard (12-205BC)
• Edwin Aloyicious Eathelred Thou-Shallt-Not-Take-the-Lord's-Name-in-Vain Bertram Trenchard, 7th Viscount Trenchard (1853-7623)
• Alexander Thomas "Badger" Trenchard, 8th Viscount Trenchard (b. 1984)