User:Cavemanbetty
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The Prince of Darkness – the ultimate purveyor of all things wicked, vile, and malevolent – has personally reviewed this page. The submitter and all subsequent editors are damned to eternal torment in hellfire.
“DUHK LIETMN IEN! DELUT ENCUR TEFUOT!”
“I know, I know, the walls need refurnishing.”
“Your grandma says it's a dry heat.”
“I went in and they asked me if I had any reservations. I said "Yes, with the decor, the service and probably the food as well. But I still want to dine here!"”
“In Soviet Russia Hell go to YOU!”
“What the fuck does a person have to do to get into heaven these days!?”
Hell, also known as "Life", is the residing place of your soul for all eternity after your body lets out that last ounce of shit you call a breath. The entrance to hell is a bright shining light. You will only ever see this light after you have died, or, if administering anal sex to Carson Daly.
When you die, if you look close enough into this light, you may even see Carson Daly's supple full moon.
Dial Satan[edit | edit source]
For all your wants and needs, hopes, dreams, sexual fantasies,
vendettas against the handicapped or anything else your heart desires!
JUST CALL: 69 666 1800! NOW!
Only 4 easy payments of a quarter of your soul a month!*
*Call cost 6 dollars per minute. First 4 payments are to be made in advance and include your soul, your girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband, personal pet, mother and/or father, and any other material possessions you own. Continual payments of your dignity to be made every 3 days through your asshole for the entirety of your current and afterlife.
The History Of Hell[edit | edit source]
Hell was discovered around 27 PC (Presence of Christ). Jesus was tripping out on shrooms and somehow opened a portal into another dimension he called "Mtv". In the year of 1979 the name was officially changed to "Hell". Many suspected bribery persuaded the change. Jesus was quoted saying this on the situation; "Satan was just paying me back for Led Zeppelin tickets. There was absolutely no sexual... Wait..".
No one knows exactly how Jesus opened the portal due to his vague psycho-hallucinatory, recollections of the events prior to the opening, though, there are confirmed to be true writings from prophets of the time.
"I saw a large, colourful, flying object coming towards me, the little insect on my shoulder told me to be calm and hold my crotch. So i did. Then I distinctly remember the object becoming Carson Daly and bending over... That was when the portal opened" - Jesus. 27 PC
