User:Ayatollah Gurkhmeini/HowTo: Be a Neo-Conservative

Neo-Conservatives are the type of idiot most prominent in the U.S., where a regular conservative is called a liberal and a liberal is called a terrorist (terrorists are considered freedom fighters as long as they are neo-cons as well; otherwise, they are liberals).

You may say to yourself "I've always wanted to be a NeoCon, but I don't know how." If this is the case, this HowTo will help you become the gun-wielding, logic-hating, warmongering propaganda victim known to science (note: to be a NeoCon, you cannot accept science) as Hetero illogicus.

Step 1: Embrace Right-Wing Propaganda

Bill O'Reilly is a popular source of right-wing propaganda.

Right-wing propaganda is the most important part of life for NeoCons. Without it, most NeoCons would revert back to the innate logic which evolution has endowed mankind with and become liberals. Because of it, NeoCons are able to blast of Hannity's, Limbaugh's, O'Reilly's, and especially Bush's lies without understanding them or having to think about what is in reality happening. This is because any understanding of reality, no matter how tiny or insignificant, disproves every single one of the NeoCon Doctrines. A man with an IQ of 12 who is not exposed to talk radio or FoxNews will be able to understand that Neo-Conservativism is bollocks if not exposed to this propaganda. This is why getting it is so important. How then, am I to get right-wing propaganda?

The first way to bring right-wing propaganda into your life is getting a radio. Radios can be found at nearly all stores, but make sure the one you get has AM. Once you have the radio, turn it on AM and search for a talk show hosted by a right-wing nutjob. You will know the host is a right-wing nutjob if he (the only NeoCons who are women are actually men in disguise, such as Ann Coulter, because women are far to intelligent to fall for Neo-Conservativism) yells a lot, talks about how evil liberals are, has blind patriotism, and, above all, avoids logic at all costs. Once you have found the local hate station, set all your radios to it and you wil be brainwashed within a week.

If talk radio is too boring for you, consider becoming a NeoCon by the second method, namely, FoxNews. FoxNews is just like real TV news, like CNN, CBS, or BBC, but they take all of the things which go against the NeoCon way out and issue a great host of lies to fill the void. Put this on all hours of the day, and you will soon be able to eliminate logic entirely from your life. How fun will that be?

Step 2: "Support the Troops"

As a NeoCons, you must only support the troops if logic dictates you do otherwise, such as at My Lai or Abu Ghraib.

You may think "Support our troops! That's easy! We liberals do it all the time." You are wrong. When NeoCons say "support our troops," what they mean is "support our President and his various Oil Crusades without any doubt and accuse liberals of hating our troops despite the fact that it is they who vote to give them funding for what they need and it is they who try to cut defense research funding because they don't think sharks with freakin' laser beams are cool." Thus, to support the troops, you cannot actually support the troops, because doing that would make you a hippie liberal who hates America; the President and his stupid schemes, however, must be supported (unless, of course, the President is a Democrat, in which case you must treat him as Satan).