User:Arycama/A-10 Thunderbolt II
The A-10 Thunderbolt II is a twin-engined, single seat, close air support aircraft in use by the US Air Force. It's primary mission role is that of ground attack, which involves destroying tanks, infantry, buildings, ships, toll booths, stop signs, traffic lights, archangels, crossing guards, alien scorpion robots, the French, terrorists, hippies and anything else that gets in it's fucking way. The A-10 is most commonly known by it's nickname, "Warthog." This name is derived from the fact that like the warthog, the A-10 is ugly, low to the ground, slow, and one seriously mean motherfucker. The muslim terrorists in the Middle East regard the A-10 as a 'Shit on Sight' target rather than a 'Shoot on Sight' because of the amount of their [[sex partners]goats] they've killed. It's hard for them to even drop a turd, however, because the A-10 is like Batman- the only time you see it is when it's kicking your ass.
History[edit | edit source]
Following the experiences of the Vietnam war, it was apparent that when it came to the crucial role of close air support, the Air Forces current planes blew. Hard. In Vietnam, many ground attack aircraft (such as the well-liked, but painfully slow A-1 Skyraider) were shot down by the SA-2 surface to air missile, which was the size of a telephone pole, and maneuvered like one. The North Vietnamese, amazed that small fighter aircraft could be taken down by such an unwieldy weapon, decided to save money by mounting explosives on 'actual' telephone poles and firing them into the air. Many other American aircraft were shot down by small arms fire. A few bastards with AK-47's spraying lead into the air while they shouted slurs in their ethnic tongue were more often than not capable of taking down a multi-million dollar fighter plane.
In short, it was pathetic.
In response to the problem, the Air Force released a request to a bunch of companies in 1967 for a ground attack aircraft that could kick some serious commie ass. Resulting studies found that aircrafts were not suited for ground attack, and as a result, settled on a flying gun instead. The R&D department put their heads together and strapped a random airframe found at the local scrapyard to a 30mm GAU 8 minigun-cannon-ass kicker, which resulted in the A-10A Warthog. (Sometimes nicknamed Jesus' foreskin by it's pilots)
Durability[edit | edit source]
The A-10 has several remarkable features which make it the best ground attack aircraft in the world. To withstand the ground fire that older, wussier aircraft so often fell victim to, the A-10 was made into an armored beast. The pilot is surrounded by a load of titanium armor, and the airframe can withstand hits from armor-piercing and explosive bullets the size of coke bottles. In addition, the aircraft has double hydraulic systems for the controls, in case one set is shot away. Even if the enemy manages to destroy all of the hydraulics, the enemy bastards are out of luck, because the aircraft also includes old-fashioned control cables, which allow the pilot to fly the A-10 using his or her own muscle power to move the control cables. This requires incredible strength, but that's no problem, because the only thing bigger than an American's balls are their muscles.
The A-10's construction is meant to allow it to survive the high-danger environment which characterizes the low-altitude modern battlefield environment. In other words, the thing can have one engine blown away and half a wing torn off and keep on flying, or in simpler terms, shoot an engine off, it will fly. Shoot the tail off, it'll fly. Shoot a wing off, it'll fly. Shoot the cockpit off, it'll fly. Shoot 7 missiles at it while firing a mini gun at it for one minute, it'll fly. The only thing capable of shooting down an A-10 is another A-10!
Top that.
GAU-8 Gatling Gun[edit | edit source]
" The most important element of the entire muthafuckin' aircraft, the Huge Muthafuckin' Gun is what makes the A-10 a seriously muthafuckin' bad-ass muthafucka. Firing massive muthafuckin' 30 millimeter cannon shells at a rate of 70 rounds per muthafuckin' second, when the A-10 opens fire with this muthafucka, shit just fuckin' dies. Muthafuckinly twice."
The Huge Motherfucking Gun is capable of penetrating the top and side armor of every known main battle tank in the world, but it is even more effective against terrorist infantry forces in the open. The rag-head fucks the A-10 shoots at usually have just enough time to shit their pants and tell each other that they're boned before a cyclone of high-explosive cannon shells sends their camel-humping asses on a one way trip to meet Allah. The A-10's main gun is so powerful that can even stop the plane in mid flight if fired for too long and it also is Chuck Norris's sidearm of choice, his main armament being his fists.
This gun is hand-crafted by the techpriests in the deep forges of the USA. It is specially honed to spray completely unnecessary amouts of ridiculously high caliber ammunition in any given direction (there is no mathematical formula in the world that can predict it). This more often than not results in huge victorious screams from the courageous individuals that form the backbone of the USAF and holes in absolutely everything except the intended target. By simply targeting an enemy in the middle of the battlefield, the A-10 and it's gibbering monkey of a pilot can turn the field of engagement into a horror strewn landscape of stygian horror, leaving the unscathed original target, his mind shattered by the unholy sight, to carry the horrendous tale to his comrades.
Although indisputably the most ass-kicking weapon on the aircraft, the Huge Motherfucking Gun is augmented by a huge variety of secondary ordinance, of which the A-10 can carry a shit-load. The A-10 can be loaded up with everything from bombs, liquor, bigger bombs, even BIGGER bombs, liquor, rockets, rainbows (to win the hearts and minds of the terrorists before shooting the hell out of them), and liquor.