User:Apollo1758/project84

China-Taiwan relations was started when Mao Zedong took his red crayon and drew a circle around Taiwan, and declared in Chinese, "This island is mine, shall forever be mine, and I will send 500,000 troops to that island to vacation if it doesn't want to be mine. I will build a mansion so large it could fit every single billion of our country's citizens in it, and we will all go play a few games of Communist ping pong there." In reaction to that, the president of Taiwan took a blue crayon and made a huge circle around all of China and Mongolia, and declared in Taiwanese, "This country is mine, shall forever be mine, and I will send 500,000 angry politicians to hold filibusters if it doesn't want to be mine. I will make the largest Disneyland that anyone in Asia has ever seen, complete with McDonald's, Burger Kings, and Pizza Huts at every street corner." None of them understood each other because they were speaking different languages.

Attempts to resolve the confusion

Japan tries to act as a mediator

Because China and Taiwan claimed each other as part of their countries, Japan decided the only way to solve the dispute was by conquering both countries. Japan invaded Taiwan, then hired a bunch of filthy rich European countries to drug China with opium, occupy their land, and scam them out of all their money with lead-tainted goods.

Then when China declared it wanted to have its own government for a change, Imperial Japan invaded China and stole all their females to be used as "comfort women" so the Chinese couldn't reproduce anymore. Japan had a lot fun with China's women, and their women gave birth to 50 million people (almost 50% of Japan's population). After China finally agreed to the One Asia Policy, the Japanese gave their women back, but they were a lot uglier because 40 years had passed.

Both China and Taiwan finally got independence after the United States got really angry at Japan for destroying the president's vacation home in Hawaii, and chucked a bomb at Japan that destroyed Japan's manhood forever.

United States tries to act as a mediator

The United States conducted a poll in the United States asking about the political status of Taiwan and China. 10% of respondents said both were separate countries, 5% said China ruled over Taiwan, 25% said Taiwan ruled over China, and 60% said they want fries with that cheeseburger.

After the Senate discussed the issue for a week, the United States declared that China and Taiwan can never get independence from each other because they are both parts of the United States. The Senate argued that since Japan ruled over China and Taiwan, and the United States took over Japan, that meant they were now under the command of the United States. The United States let China and Taiwan have independence when the President looked on a map of the world and remembered they weren't part of the United States.

United Nations tries to act as a mediator

Since both China and Taiwan claimed the same territory, the United Nations decided to have both countries face off in womens' gymnastics to determine which country gets United Nations representation. Taiwan, having the sexiest and friendliest female gymnasts in the world, was picked as the favorite to win, but China's gymnasts were a lot more experienced in prostitution, and had been prostitutes ever since they were babies. China won the competition, but Taiwan accused China of using underage athletes when it was noticed that one of the girls was playing with a Barbie doll, and another one was seen wearing a diaper.

China-Taiwan relations today

To strengthen China-Taiwan relations, China is paying ¥100 billion to airlift Taiwan with helicopters and place it 100 miles closer to China.