Unternet

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Not to be confused with the Undernet or the Internet.

The Name[edit]

The Unternet is also called U-Net or Das Net. The name is German since German engineers came up with the idea in the early 1980's. Moreover it's a pleasant counter-weight of the omnipresent English of the Internet.

The Project[edit]

The U-Net is an international project in which multiple governments participate. Especially the USA have made large contributions, but the biggest pioneers are the Netherlands and Germany.

The U-Net is an international network between toilets. The network is at the time of writing this article finished for just a very small part. The goal is to have one million connections by the year 2020. The most important job that has yet to be done is developing and building huge new pipe lines to connect the existing sewer systems to a pumping mechanism.

Another important step that has to be taken is installing a reversed flushing mechanism a.k.a. RFP (Reverse Flushing Protocol) in all toilets to digitize each toilet. This mechanism can then be used to pick up post packages whenever you want. Some experiments of this system have been taken with some success.

In contrast to the ordinary Internet, the U-Net will be especially useful for exchanging wares instead of just information. Despite the forecast that everything will be digital in the future, still material things are badly needed. Imagine: you make an order on the Internet and receive it through the U-Net. And all this in the comfort of your very own bathroom!

A big advantage of this project is that a large part of the needed infrastructure is already present and trusted by the people; who doesn't regularly visit a bathroom? Sewage system are far more common around the world than computers.

Criticism[edit]

Critics say that traffic through the Unternet will be befouled, because it will have to take the same route as most excrements. Therefore, scientists are currently developing a special new kind of plastic that's resistant to high water pressure and protective to your wares. Next to the toilet paper, a plastic bag dispenser will be installed to be used to send material things through the U-Net. Stickers to write addresses on are also needed.

There will always be people who clinge to the past and prefer to use the ordinary mailing system, but scientists say that regular mail will be playing a marginally role in twenty years from now. Mail men could become Unternet mail sorters, who put everything in the correct pipes as long as the system isn't automatized yet.

U-Net Address[edit]

To make sure each package gets delivered to the right person, every toilet will get its own Unternet address. There are few people who know the @ symbol actually is a toilet pot. Providers say they'll make sure the addresses won't become victims of "junk mail" (e.g. old bicycle tires) and "spam".

U-Mail[edit]

The Unternet will have a whole range of features, but it is too early in development to list them all. One of the key features however, will be U-Mail. With U-Mail you will be able to deliver letters to anyone who is connected to the Unternet. It is a bit slower than e-mail, but faster than regular mail, because of the high velocity of the pressured water through the pipes.

Public U-Net[edit]

People without a U-Net connection could always go elsewhere to use the system: all public bathrooms will be provided with at least one toilet connected to the Unternet. There will also be so-called Unternet cafe's: there are plans of building a huge complex with at least 1200 toilets in Paris called EasyLoo.

The Future[edit]

This new technology will have a huge impact on modern society. People will have easier access to all kinds of goods and we won't need to travel a lot anymore. The bathroom will be playing a central role in each household. Also the mobile toilet will increase in numbers, along with the development of the home Godzilla.