Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/robotics

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robotics

If you give me an awesome review with a cherry on top, iloveyoulongtime and you get golden shower and mebe a nummy nummy gummy mummy? Your choice remember im 0_0 you. *sadisticlaugh*

Acrolo 13:17, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	2.5	Hmm. Well, I can tell that you've got a concept somewhere in there, but right now, it's very difficult for me to see what your article is actually about. Bonny and Clyde inventing the traffic light after robbing McDonalds? Just trying to make sense of it sort of makes my brain hurt. I'm not trying to sound harsh here, but if you want people to laugh at your article, you usually need to write it in the style that people can understand. Right now, it sounds like you have two or three concepts (McDonalds, Bonny and Clyde, and traffic lights) all mashed up together- and that kind of makes an ugly hybrid. Seeing as how your article is titled robotics, you might want to make your article centered around the inception of the traffic light- that makes the most sense, because i'm sure what your other two ideas have to do with robotics.
Concept:	2	Well, this is your biggest problem. You have concept(s)- 3 of them. Like I said, an article only needs one concept. Plus, you have several inconsistent holes here. McDonalds didn't exist until 1955, and Bonny and Clyde died in the 30s. Now I know we're not really big on facts here, but usually your article needs to have a basis of real things, and then have a spin of obvious lies- for example, Michael Jackson. But don't just throw in three random well known things together and make them all sound like they're from the same time period- that just kind of makes your article look insane.
Prose and formatting:	6	I recommend you get a brief spellcheck over your article, as you seem to have made some standard puncuation and formatting issues- no biggie, but it always helps to make your article look more professional. Also, your second image crosses over into two sections, which makes those sections kind of squeezed together uncomfortably- reduce the size of it.
Images:	4	The first image is a pretty poor MS paint job (no offense), as it's clear you just slapped a few images together. The second image, while much better done, is also obviously photoshopped, as the coke can is positioned so it seems Bonnie is balancing it on her gun. Plus, Ronald McDonald, isn't facing her, and his expression doesn't fit that of a robbery. Your final image is more creepy and funny, and the fact that those two don't really look like Bonnie and Clyde doesn't help.
Miscellaneous:	3	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	17.5	You make a lot of mistakes new users do- right now, it seems you threw together a bunch of random ideas into an article, not really acknowledging the logical errors in it. However, there are quite a few ways you can fix it. First, like I said, make your title more appropriate to your article- McDonalds and Bonnie and Clyde don't have anything to do with your article, so you might want to write it to focus on the inception of the traffic light. But give it a reasonable inventor, not just a random pair of bandits from the 30s. Next, you'll want to focus on your images- your choppin' skills aren't that good, so you might need some help on that one. A few ideas for your images could be a diagram of the traffic light (a better one than your current version) and a picture of the inventor. Also, check over your spelling and grammar to make sure you've got it all right. Bottom Line: Incoherent with several concepts; rewrite it so it's more appropriate to the title. Good luck!=)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 23:42, 18 May 2009 (UTC)