Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Yamaha R1

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Yamaha R1

Addys 06:29, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

I call it! Staircase CUN^t 15:33, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	4	OK. So we'll brerak it down section by section. Let's be off, then! Introduction - SO, right off the bat there was a pretty noticebale mistake. When you made your quote, you didn't use the quote template! IT's ok, this problem is easily solved. Just use {{Q|Actual quotation|Who said it|What they were talking about.}} It's an easy fix, so just remember to do it! Nxt off in the introduction, you had the first paragraph. I found this part very amusing. You went off describing engine [ower, and since it was Yamaha, I made the logical assumption that you were talking about a motorcycle. However, when you revealed that it was a piano, I couldn't help but to crack a smile. This part was very good. You did a good job introducing it but not revealing too much. One complaint I may have though, is a bit of over exageration. If you could put it more believeable terms, it would be better. History - You had a good first sentence to start this part off. You gave us a brief look at its history. However, towards the end, it seemed to go more unfocused, with the mentioning of Pearl Harbor and the Olympics. What I suggest is that you remove the unbelieveable portions, such as a piano in the olympics and used as an airplane. I thnik you shoud keep it at more of a streetbike/piano approach exclusively. If you could write a history of that sort, and keep the last sentence (Scratch the "flown" part), your history section would be much better. Development - This section is where everything fell flat. You started off witha confusing concept immediately. I don't really know what you mean by "The Book of Gensis". Do you mean the actual book from the Bible, or is it some sort of instruction manual? Regardless, you have to clarify that beforehand. Once you get to World War II, it starts to get pretty outrageous. What I think you should do is completely remove the idea of Waorld War 11, and have its creation take place in the 50's/60's. Then I think you should say it first started out as a piano, then some person had the idea to put an engine in it and see what happens. I think you should also remove the section about it becomin a video game as well as the creation of universe portion as well. You do not need to do this exactly, but I think it is the best idea.
Concept:	7	Let's put it at this: the concept is really unique and creative. I found it quite entertaining when it was first revealed to me. But then it started to get outrageous with all the stuff about World War 2, the Olympics and video games. Like Iwas saying above, you should scratch those sectoions completely and focus on how it is a motorcycle and piano. You could mention how often it was sold, how much was sold, etc. Also, you could explain how people used it and potentially say people could being playing music while racing or soething of the sort. But the whole idea is to keep the focus on the motorcycle and the piano ideas instead of switching to something else that is whacky and hard to believe. Doing that would make the article seemed more focus, and all arund, it would make it much eaier to understand and also much more intersting to read in general.
Prose and formatting:	7	There was no real problems with the formatting. It was nice how you had the template with the statistics for the pianobike (that's what I'm going to call it now). You had a decent ammount of sections, so that was good. However, there were many spelling and grammar mistakes that I noticed. I suggest you give it a good clean read through to go and correct all of those mistakes, or you give it to the proofread commitee and they'll do the spelling and grammar for you. However, I suggest you do it yourself, and at the same time you could make any changes to the ideas of the article as well as fix the spelling. Other than that, good job, you had a see also section, and an external link section to make it look more professional.
Images:	4	So. Yes. We have some work to do in the image section. If you heed my advice above, you will have to scratch the second image completely. Plus, the image didn't really seem to fit anyway, you enver mentioned anything about kamikaze attacks anyhow. However, the third image gives the image of a motorcycle. This is't bad, considering the thing you are talking about is half motorcycle. But apparently it's outer image is in fact a piano. So, I recommend that you either make your own image or get an experienced photoshopper to make an image for you. One idea that I suggest is that you make an image of a motorcycle rider on top of a piano. I think that would fit your needs very well. So, scratch the second and third images, and get one with a guy riding a piano to replace them. You don't need to do that, but that's my recommendation.
Miscellaneous:	5	See below
Final Score:	27	We're going to review the steps you need to do to make this article quality. Remove the nonsense - The most important idea is that you get rid of all the stuff that is completely fake, such as a piano taking place as an airplane in World War 2. Like I said above, remove the video games and olympics as well, and in the introduction, make its top speed more believeable. Then, once you do that, expand on your ideas. All of the sections were pretty short. Get a better image - You don't need to get my recommended image, but at least get a new one. You could ask an image maker to look over your article and make what they think is best for it image-wise. Even I do that sometimes. Those two concepts are all you really need to make the article better. If you can manage to get both of those ideas fixed up, we're on to a winner of an article here. So, good luck with your article!
Reviewer:	Staircase CUNt 16:32, 27 May 2009 (UTC)