Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Wikipedia Chase!

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What do you guys think of my first article? is it worthy to stay up and not be deleted? what do you think i should change? and should i take the construction sign off yet? Thanks.

The Italian Stallion 11:36, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

Humour:	2	I'm really struggling to find the humour in this article. I'm sure it's great fun for you and your friends to wallow around in Wikipedia in an attempt to look like you are working, and I guess you and your friends find it hilarious that an article describing such an activity is actually described within a wiki, but for the average Jo Blow from Cocomo, the article needs a lot more meat to begin to seem funny. Mentioning Parafield Gardens High School means this borders on a vanity article - to avoid being huffed you should certainly lose most of the quotes. What you need is an angle that takes the concept to a new level. Your opening paragraphs describe the activity at great length, but you'd do better to approach it as an activity that is generally well known, then go on to introduce fictional competitors, international competitions full of underhand dealings and bizarre world records and practices. Your rules, as stated, are accurate, but dull. Inject some humour here with some more arcane rules and examples of gamesmanship, and perhaps it can be salvaged.
Concept:	3	Well, it's something that people around the world do, so with good execution, it might work - but so far, the execution isn't there.
Prose and formatting:	4	You have written an article, albeit a fairly ugly one, and in the main it makes sense and is formatted appropriately. Rather too many red links for my liking.
Images:	2	You have one. It's pertinent, but not funny, and adds nothing other than a demonstration that you can combine images from several sources.
Miscellaneous:	3	Average
Final Score:	14	There is a germ of an article here, but you need to lift your sights much higher than amusing your friends or impressing the girls. To be worthy of Uncyclopedia, an article must have the potential appear funny to a significant proportion of the world - so far you may have amused a dozen or so kids at Parafield Gardens and maybe picked up a girl for the prom, although not the one you really wanted.
Reviewer:	Asahatter (annoy) 22:33, 23 October 2008 (UTC)