Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Sog1970/Dance and Sex: Partners in time. (quick)
Dance and Sex: Partners in time. [edit source]
I was a touch inebriated when I started this. Then I sobered up and found some pictures for it. Inevitably I started drinking again & now I'm not sure if it makes sense or not Sog1970 22:46, 26 July 2009 (UTC) User:POTR/Template:PEEing
| Prose and Formatting: The writing style, spelling, grammar, layout and overall appearance. |
6 | A quick review of a drunken type. This is a challenge that I cannot refuse.
Spelling: irresistably; tassles; dancefloor (and dance-floor); vigourousness; particualrly.
sexual morays of our ancestors. Just check the definition of morays for me. Try mores or morals instead. I'm assuming it's a mistake, but a funny one. Grammar: Not in a quick review, however a few passive verbs, could do with a bit of tightening, overuse of the word but. Layout: Make the images all the same width. (Although if you want to make File:VictoriaBasque1.jpg larger I won't argue.) Lead-in quotes I usually complain about, but these two are funny. I'd just change them to {{q2}}. Also __NOEDITSECTION__ Writing style: Encyclopaedic 3rd person, which works well. Drifts off a little toward the end there where you've dropped off into more 3rd person street talk to fit in the last couple of one liners. Does need tightening up. Overall appearance: Nothing as such to bitch about in a quick review. |
| Concept: How good an idea is behind the article? |
6 | Surprisingly new concept for Uncyclopedia, when I thought everything came back to sex. There is a bit of stuff on pole dancing and Strip club, but nothing else that ties the two together in such a way.
It stops somewhere along the way though. We jump from European folk dance to barn dance to novelty dance. There is a longer seam that can be sown there. And what about Salsa, or Merengue (not to be confused with Meringue), or the Charleston? What about Ballroom dancing? Latin American? It's a rich vein you have there and you've just started to get into it. Amazingly gotten me thinking about Victorian England, where eligible males and females weren't allowed to talk together in private, but they could talk while dancing, and so this was the only real form of courtship without a chaperone. And of course afterwards everyone would go off and have a hell-fire club party. This is either too short, as you haven't covered enough, or you'll have to limit yourself to sex and folk dance or something similar. |
| Humour: How funny is it? Why is it funny? How can it be funnier? |
5 | And here's where your drinking becomes obvious. You know why they used to accuse witches of dancing naked in the moonlight. Because most of the texts that discussed the behaviour of witches were written by celibate men who had ample access to wine.
There are plenty of good moments in here, but too much of the humour is derived from the same, or a very similar, joke retold a number of different ways, and in the end it just becomes a little too much. It's like watching three episodes of Benny Hill in a row. One can be funny, but three of them and you just start to hear that theme music going on and on forever. The drums, Doctor, can't you hear the drums. |
| Images: How are the images? Are they relevant, with good quality and formatting? |
4 | Some of the images are just a little too grainy or poor resolution, and a couple of the captions need a little work. The first image is Many a sailor has felt the Hornpipe coursing through his body. which is not soft enough to be a good double entendré. Instead I'd probably opt for Many a sailor has felt the lure of the Hornpipe coursing through his body. |
| Miscellaneous: The article's overall quality - that indefinable something. |
4 | Honestly I like it but it comes across as rushed and incomplete, but it does have the potential to be a really funny article. |
| Final Score: How much can it be improved and what are the most important areas to work on. |
25 | Also check out what we already have relating to dance on Uncyclopedia and see what you can salvage from a few other places. There's a couple of articles that are in dire need of a rewrite on dance and different dance styles rather than going through and creating a new article and leaving the drek still sitting there. I think you're onto something good here, so don't lose it, but it still needs work.
Oh, and a Dance portal probably would be a good idea to get into place as well, as the current disambig page is annoying. Todd Lyons seems to have a knack at putting those together, so that's somebody you could probably work with if you go in that direction. |
| Reviewer: | Pup | |
