Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:POTR/Street Fighter

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User:POTR/Street Fighter

I'm still unsure as to whether I've succeeded in doing what I set out to do. I'll let you try and work out what parts of this are factual and what parts are fictional. Pup 05:32, 29/10/2009

I'm in here now, not because he asked me or anything. --ChiefjusticeDS 20:19, October 31, 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	7	Right, as a whole the article has some laughs and the writing is very sound, but there are some issues that I think you should work on. The first of these is the quantity of jokes in the article. As I read I thought that while what I was reading seemed to be geared towards making the reader laugh but that there wasn't enough. To use a good analogy it was like butter being scraped over too much bread, the material for the jokes is there but the article doesn't feel like there are enough laugh out loud moments to make it anything more than a long read for someone who isn't a fan of street fighter. My advice would be to work on your running jokes, the screen shots are a good start and I think working something of a similar vein into the text would work very well. I noted that you had already begun to do something like this in a couple of paragraphs, but I think you should take it even further. My other point would be regarding one of your existing jokes; obviously you are making the point that Capcom just released the same game over and over again but with more fanciful titles every time, but you need to play on this idea more, especially since it is part of the foundation of your article. As a relative newcomer to the Street Fighter universe, having played for maybe half an hour in my entire life, I found myself seeing this as the most accessible and obvious joke in the article and I felt slightly let down that it wasn't used to a greater extent, there is definitely the potential to do so. Your other jokes are good and I enjoyed your opening section on the controls, in fact I was surprised that the intuitive nature of the controls in Street Fighter wasn't mentioned more later on, I would also try to drawn in the fact that even when the games were transferred to console they still encouraged players to insert coins and displayed all the controls as though you were still playing on an arcade machine. To sum my comments in this section up, you need to work on the amount of humour, it's not so much that you need to put in more topics to make jokes about (though that wouldn't hurt) but more you need to muster up some punchlines for the jokes that are there already rather than leaving the reader to make their own conclusions.
Concept:	8	Your concept is good and your execution is likewise. It really feels like you have gone all out for the encyclopaedic tone and as such there are no obvious joke points, the reader is left to make their own assumptions about the jokes and infer that this is funny. This is a superb use of the encyclopaedic tone, but perhaps use of it to this extent is not as desirable especially on a topic that is going to be fairly inaccessible to some. My recommendation would not be to completely dumb it down and explain everything because that would take away the substance of the article, what I would suggest is that you provide maybe one punchline for each of the jokes, that way a reader will know it is a joke next time it appears, as I read through I felt the enduring sensation that I was missing out on a lot of the humour that the article was offering. So essentially what I am suggesting is that you signpost a little bit, but not too much, if that makes sense. You can do this by just simplifying the tone a little and being slightly less rigid with it. I understand that I have complained before that your tone isn't encyclopaedic enough, but it is a very fiddly thing to get right and there are very few instances of anyone pulling it off correctly the first time round; that said you use it very well at certain points in the article and I was impressed at the points where you did
Prose and formatting:	8	Your prose are very good and you handled them very well especially considering the amount there are. I also noticed that your spelling and grammar was pretty good throughout with me having to look very carefully to find any errors at all. All I can do is recommend the usual proofreading carefully after any smaller edits and then doing one final check when you are done. Otherwise my main points are with regard to your formatting, your images, I realise you have a lot of them but try to make sure the space between any kind of image is at least a couple of lines, make sure the part at the top near the info box conforms to this, as there isn't much space between the info box, the template, and the image directly below that. Otherwise you have done well here and my score is probably a bit harsh.
Images:	9	Your images are very good, the running joke was one of my favourite aspects of the article, and the captions are fine too as they are also part of said running joke. The mark is lost for your formatting issues.
Miscellaneous:	8	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	40	I, personally, enjoyed your article it has a great deal to offer, and my main complaint is not that the existing humour was not good enough but rather that it wasn't more clearly expressed as there are lots of opportunities to do so and it would be stupid not to take advantage of potential that is so obviously present. I would urge you to go back and take a second look at a couple of aspects as it is my feeling that this article could be so much more enjoyable than it already is. If you have any questions or comments feel free to leave them on my talk page. Good luck making any changes.
Reviewer:	--ChiefjusticeDS 20:17, November 1, 2009 (UTC)