Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Jocke Pirat/Ron Paul
User:Jocke Pirat/Ron Paul[edit source]
My rewrite attempt for the Ron Paul article. Enjoy.
Why didn't I wait for PLS? ~ 
Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.
11/01/2008 @ 02:57
| Ron Paul is being reviewed by Your Source for Fine Scented Pee And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him |
- I came back for an hour! • <-> Jan 21 (15:15)
| Humour: | 6.2 | Avg of each section. I know who Ron Paul is... so there. I live in central california (cue banjo music), and we have *shudder* Ron Paul posters all over the place.
I really couldn't decide if I thought the intro was funny or not. I would go through it and see if there's anything you don't find amazing in there and cut. You have so much material, it would be wise to go through and cut out stuff. You know he's a libertarian, right? I kinda want more on that topic, believe it or not.
That was kinda weird, actually. Was he actually a doctor at one time? What's with the crazy lobotomy jokes, Mr. Pirate? Yarrbattondownthehatchesyarr?
More lobotomy humor! I say to you: meh to the lobotomy jokes.
Okay, thank you for the lobotomy humor, but it's getting on my nerves. or my frontal lobes. or whatever. I guess by now the novelty has worn thin.
Well, the lobotomies are gone, but you have proved your point: even as a charicature of himself, Ron Paul is a boring person. My specialty is not biographical parodies, so it's hard to say what I would do here. I see by the history that this kitchen has had too many chefs, and that might be hard to overcome.
Suddenly, we're talking about 9/11? Dick Cheney? Where's Emperor Ron in all of this? Also, I had to do some clean up here, which bugs me. Okay! I get the lobotomy jokes already!
Those two sentences were pretty interesting, combined with the picture.
what the F?? That's really all I have to say. Random, confusing, not funny.
Blimp jokes are funny, I suppose. Kinda weird, though. A little too random for an 8/+
Yeah, that was pretty damn good!
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| Concept: | 7 | Well, you're doing a biography instead of the article types that I do (more like topics instead of people), and that's fine, but Ron Paul? I'm guessing 50% of Americans and 100% of foreigners have no idea who that is. You've got guts writing about him, though. Or, well, whoever wrote the article. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | I had to correct some things, and I think there's more to correct in terms of spelling and stuff. |
| Images: | 9 | The photoshopped pics were really good. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.1 | {{Pee|6.2|7|6|9}}
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| Final Score: | 35.3 | I guess my suggestion would be to cut out sections that might be a 4, rewrite the 5's and 6's, and think hard on how to improve on the 7's. I don't know how to write funny biographies, though, which I guess I should've thought about before starting this, but I think I got a hang of what's funny and what isn't in this article. Okay, I'm going back into hibernation, now. Paul '08! |
| Reviewer: | • <-> Jan 21 (16:20) | |