Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnPoetia:The Dragon Warrior rap
UnPoetia:The Dragon Warrior rap[edit source]
My take on the classic NES game. Plz don't compare it with Hyperbole's awesome article. (though I did rip-off some of my images from it...) Scofield 12:20, December 5, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Nothing really funny in here. It's a cute rap, which to my mind means that this is more an UnTunes than an Unpoetica, but there's no real laughs in there.
Problem with something in a structured writing style like a poem or a song is that you limit the ability to throw in funny lines. I got a half smile out of the fact that the hero has been sent to battle the dragon lord being sorely provisioned and given minimal support, and that's an are that could be worked on to be able to get this to a point where there is a laugh or two in here. Also taking on some of the more antiquated aspects of the game and making use of them, such as the horridly blocky graphics and the fact that non player characters can't move anywhere. Maybe the reason why the king can't go himself is that he can't actually walk anywhere outside his throne room? Main thing is though is to try and take the limitations of the game and make light of it. Don't try and redo the article by Hype, but rather think about what is really stupid about the game. |
| Concept: | 6 |
I'm struck wondering if a rap is the right way to go about this. A musical version of it is a good idea, but I'd more look along the lines of a rock opera or a Gilbert and Sullivan style of musical. Also how much further can you extend the idea that you currently have? I'm assuming - not having played the game before - that there are a number of boss battles along the way. Maybe your hero can start off ring all I'm going to save the world and along the way become disillusioned with the trials and tribulations and consider that the greatest rewards and results that he gets are held by the bad guys, leading him to realize that the rewards of virtue are largely garbage, yet the wages of sin are women, wine and wealth. Having him slowly convert from hero to villain makes for a better Story line. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6.5 |
Good layout, bit there's an unclosed div in there due to a typo, and the nested divs is not needed as the background, font colour and height can be set up through just the one div style. I'd also look at using a table to have your images on the right and your verses on the left, or the other way around. No issues with spelling or grammar, mainly due to the fact that it is a rap, but can you do something to distinguish which voice is which character? Maybe use a triple indent for NPCs and single for the hero. |
| Images: | 4 | I don't give points for unoriginal images unless they are used in an original manner or have a caption that brings it in line with the topic at hand. So I'll just look at the last two images.
Having a look at these on my platform (iPhone safari) the images themselves are mostly whitespace (well, black space to be more accurate) and at a size that makes it difficult to obtain enough detail to justify the use of them. More to the point though is I'd like to see more of them, giving a longer story in images. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5 | Definite promise in there. I would like to see this extended to a more epic length. |
| Final Score: | 26.5 | I'm going to say it another time - when you add an article on to the queue for pee review the expectation is that you will return the favour and write a review as well.
This is the second article of yours I've done over the past few days, and you have added two more and done no reviews yourself. You have also expressed your own frustration that the queue has moved so slowly on your articles in the past, but done nothing to speed it up - in fact, it's almost as though you are trying to slow the queue down. Please don't add any more articles until you have reviewed one or two articles yourself. |
| Reviewer: | Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 00:54, Dec 29 2010 UTC | |