Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Sub-par apocalypse disappoints many
UnNews:Sub-par apocalypse disappoints many[edit source]
I would like a review for this article. I don't care how mean you are, just try to give me ways to improve it (if any), and try to go a little bit in-depth, please. Thanks a lot! Staircase CUNt 06:06, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | There was a couple things in this article that made me grin, so basically ok I guess. I'm going to try to point out some specific stuff here:
First, right in the beginning. For your introduction, you put Several locations around the planet. Something that would make for an early chuckle, is a header that says EARTH, SPACE. Also, it has to be in all-caps, which I'll get to more in the P&F section. And the first quote. It was funny, but when I got to the end I felt lost. It was just... there. You didn't state whose quote it was, and that's a big mistake. Come up with a humorous name to add to the quote to make it less confusing. Also, the idea was a little bland, which I'll get to in the next section. |
| Concept: | 4.5 | The basic foundation is amusing and original. An apocalypse occurs, and people are dissapointed because they didn't die. However, the idea after that is a bit weak. "Because they wanted to die" is just not a sufficient reason for the dissapointment. Maybe they wanted to meet God, or Satan, or something like that. That was just a spur-of-the-moment idea I came up with, I'm pretty sure with some time you can come up with a better idea.
Coming up with one more idea for the dissapointment probably wouldn't hurt, either. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Pretty good formatting. Like I said in the Hsection, your header needs to be all-capped. Also, I feel like the picture could be a little smaller, and lower down. Do that, and you got an eight or nine in this section. |
| Images: | 5 | You have one image, and while amusing and relevant, it is just a leeetle too big. Also, like I said above, it could be a bit lower on the page. Adding another probably wouldn't hurt, maybe a picture of a horde of dissapointed people, and add a decent caption. That could probably also raise the formatting score, too. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.6 | Used pee template. |
| Final Score: | 28.1 | Right now, you've got a below-middling concept, well executed, with strong formatting. The area where you need to improve most is the Csection. (No pun intended.) Fix up and expand the concept, and maybe add another image, and it will be pretty solid. If you have any questions left unanswered, feel free to ask at my talk page. Hope that helps! |
| Reviewer: | It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you. 00:08, 14 June 2009 (UTC) | |