Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Obama announces himself "rubber" and Clinton "glue"
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UnNews:Obama announces himself "rubber" and Clinton "glue"[edit source]
Ummm.. It's my first one I actually think has potential. Please review, then destroy, dissect and anal probe. I'm getting tired of the damn baby stuff going on in the poltics. Also, If you don't get the Zimbabwe joke, please don't review. Just a request.
Lord Serioch 01:41, 24 April 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | It made me laugh a little but I don't think there isn't enough humor to sustain this article. Mostly it starts out good but somewhat declines. Try to make it more kindergarden like. Replace the words "public forum site" with the word "playground". Also try replacing person with kids from the playground. On a side note, try to touch on the possible humor from what kindergardeners do and the silvery rivalry of the duo. It should add some extra dimensions to the article. |
| Concept: | 6 | This is sorta a good concept but Barack and Hillary UnNews has been worn out here. Almost every article involves either Hillary or Barack, but you can probally make it discint from all those other Barack and Hillary articles. You might if you see your article through the end. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | The posture is actually very good for an UnNews article. Though some phrases need to be rephrases. Such as "Obama's advisor responded to the accusations by calling Hillary's parents.", What is that telling me? and "No word yet on Hillary's response to Obama's claims of "Nanny nanny boo boo"." These 2 phrases lack some information that could make it funny and the ending could use some more meat to it. Which is the last phrase. |
| Images: | 4 | I don't think the images here are fit. Maybe instead how about a picture of "Hillary and Obama" "playing" or them "Arguing". Whatever fancies your boat. If you can't find an image, go to Image Request to request one. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.5 | Averaged via Pee Review Regulations |
| Final Score: | 27.5 | Your article has potential, I can give you that. However it's sorta being hindered by what it is currently. Don't get me wrong, it's good. But it's just isn't at it's best. Some reccomendtions is to make it more like they're in Kindergarten instead of another Barack and Hillary UnNews article. Remember, variety is good. Also use HTBFANJS and make use of the featured articles as a refrence. Have any comments, leave them at my talk page. I wish you and your page the best of luck. |
| Reviewer: | The Improver talk • contribs • 19:17, Apr 25 2008 (UTC) | |