Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Hungry Hungry Hippos Celebrates Anniversary
UnNews:Hungry Hungry Hippos Celebrates Anniversary[edit source]
Yes, it's me. I made an article. I've been away so long, that I don't even know if it's funny. Thank you! • <-> Mar 3 (03:17)
| Humour: | 9 | Funny concept. Dialogue is always the best part of UnNews stories, and you've done a pretty damn good job at making humorous dialogue. |
| Concept: | 10 | I have to give you a 10 on the concept because it's wholly original (as far as I can tell) and clever. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | UnNews formatting can be tricky. "Pawtucket, RI (real town). Hasbro..." should be separated with a dash or double dash: "Pawtucket, RI (real town) -- Hasbro..." (see here). Additionally, the clause "the children's toy company" should be re/moved, preferably in front of Hasbro: "The children's toy company Hasbro is celebrating..." Starting a sentence with descriptive clauses prior to introducing the subject is usually not appropriate though, so it's best to be more direct and not use clauses like that so much (especially in news stories), but you did a good job of keeping the clauses pertinent and succinct. Just as a note, another way to use clauses is to just make them part of a sentence: "Creator of the game, Charles Hasbro..." can become "Charles Hasbro is the creator of the game..."
The word "Hippopotamus(es)/Hippo(s)" probably shouldn't be capitalized, especially since it's not consistently capitalized throughout the article. The comma can be removed in the sentence: "...including a purple hippopotamus, and a pink hippopotamus." A comma is needed in: "...say that 'Unlike real hippos, the game is NOT an herbivore and does NOT live in Africa.'" This sentence begins with a preposition (consider rewording it): "In the 30 years since it's inception, Hungry Hungry Hippos has guided the artistic talents of various people." It can be changed to: "Hungry Hungry Hippos has guided the artistic talents of various people in the 30 years since it's inception." The commas can be removed from the quote: "'Hungry Hungry Hippos lasts as long or longer than the species itself, and that it's predecessor, Hungry Hungry Artiodactyls is not forgotten.'" |
| Images: | 10 | Make the image a bit bigger if possible. Hilarious caption. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | I never really know what to put here. |
| Final Score: | 42 | Everything seems good. Run through and make it nice and squeaky clean! |
| Reviewer: | --EMC [TALK] 02:41, 15 March 2008 (UTC) | |