Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Cow invasion turns out to be a hoax
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UnNews:Cow invasion turns out to be a hoax[edit source]
Iwillkillyou333 02:10, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
I might give this a shot later tonight. My UnNewses are kind of weak, though, so bear with me. Saberwolf116 17:16, 24 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4 | Heya Long. Well, I think I can take a stab at this. From what I can see, the problem is that your article somewhat seems like bizarre pocket of randomness. I didn't really find the jokes funny, because I was questioning the plausibility of it all. Why were the cows invading? Who made the joke? I'd recommend you look over this, and adjust it to make it more believable. To do this, you'll need to fudamentaly alter your concept. When it comes along the lines of jokes, make sure that they relate to a current event (more on that below). |
| Concept: | 3 | Well, the problems with your concept is, as stated above, that it makes no sense at all. This supposedly happened sometime in May, yet I didn't hear some sort of news relating to cows on TV to make me believe this could happen. Here's a general tip when it comes to UnNews: because we're technically a parody of Wikipedia, we serve as a parody of their little outlet Wikinews- so, when you write an article, make sure it has at least a shred of truth in it, so that it seems more like a parody. For example: UnNews:J.D. Salinger sues self. In real life, he's suing someone for making an unauthorized sequel to his novel. So, it flows more like satire because it's making fun of a current event or issue. So what I think you should do is use reality as a basis for this article: was there a study that says cow milk can weaken your brain power? If there was, and people have heard of it, then that makes your article funnier because people "get" the humor. For example: after a recent study found that cow milk can weaken brain power, people were stunned by the news that cows were taking over the world. However, this soon turned into anger when people found out it was a merely a milk induced halucination. Also, make sure that you don't just namedrop famous authority figures, such as the U.S. President or the U.N.- most of the time, that implies you've run out of things to write about. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Not so much to say formatting wise, other than that you should get a spell check, as you missed a few quoations and mispelled a few words here and there. P&F really isn't the problem, but I did notice something towards the end: you made a self-reference. Self-reference written by news sources usually look weird and out of place, so i'd recommend getting rid of that. |
| Images: | 7 | Decent. The first image isn't a very good drawing, but it illustrates the article well. Images aren't really the problem here. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4.5 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 25.5 | Like I said, the main problem with your article is that your concept and subject matter really don't fit in well with UnNews. To recap: look over this and see if this qualifies as satire. What we have here is a toned down version of "shock value" humor- something that plays out along the lines of "so ridiculous and absurd it's sort of funny". That kind of stuff doesn't really work, so you'll need to overhaul this article. Rememeber: Uncyclopedia is satrical, so you need to make sure that you're parodying something.
Bottom Line: Have your article relate more to a current event; check the logic behind it. Good luck! =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 22:45, 24 June 2009 (UTC) | |